#365Gratitude Day 67:Practice makes... practice

So I was contemplating reality and the path of practice in the shower this morning, like you do.

It's a buddhist temple... and a pun!

As my friend Fiona might say, "wat?"

Practice is such a confusing idea.  On the one hand, there's the "do it, get better until you're perfect" meaning.  On the other there's the "Have a thing you do regularly, keep doing it regularly" meaning.

Mindfulness is waaaay more that second one than the first one.

As you may have noticed, this is day 67 of my daily gratitude practice.  My blog seems to be missing eight days.  It's not that I didn't have a thing I was grateful for each day.  I most certainly did.  There was this awesome dirty illustration tumblr I found, some nice emails I got, hearing back from an illustrator I like, seeing a friend I thought might be dead making progress in his health, some gains at work, connection with my partners, all sorts of things.

But I didn't write them down.

Why?  I'm honestly not sure.  It could have been exhaustion. (I've been pretty wracked lately.)  It could have been being off my routines.  Whatever.  It doesn't matter.  Why doesn't it matter? Because philosophical practice isn't about perfection, it's about application.

So, these past several days I've been "off my practice", I actually wasn't.  I put it aside so I could pick it right back up again.  There's no chastisement needed.  It's not a problem.  It's just living.

You do.  And then you do some more.  Sometimes you do it great.  Sometimes you don't.  Keep on going.  Or, as I love to say, "no starting, no stopping, only doing."

#365Gratitude Day 59:On the road again

So Missy is still sore, still in pain.

But she's become a getting-around-on-crutches ninja.  She's really damn good at it.  She goes up and down the stairs, gets all over the house, no problem.

And her knee's become bendy enough that she even feels safe enough to go out, and drive herself.

Now before you get all up in our grill about it:

• The knee she had surgery on was her left knee, not the right.  So she doesn't need it for driving, except the part where she has to bring both knees with her, because, attached.
• Missy, in case you hadn't noticed, is a tough customer.  She doesn't do languishing.  She tends to attack life with vigor.
• Her getting out-and-about is really an essential part of her recovery.

We shared a lovely slow morning, I made us both breakfast (my custom made egg sandwiches for the win!), and I helped her get some stuff she needed out to the car.

She assured me she was gonna be just fine, and got on her way.

And then I got a lovely little check-in from her:

I told her how her being able to do this would be my gratitude today.  And look, it is!

#365Gratitude Day 58:Cat Firewall

Even though my girlfriend Alissa lives hundreds of miles away from us, in Chicago, she's really right nearby all the time.  We are more or less constantly connected.  Right after I wake up and say "oh good another one", it's my habit to ping her, via a text, or on our slack, or a phone call, or something.

She and I spend just about every morning talking on our ways to work, school, and various errands.  

We regularly play games together via a video conference, Missy, me, Alissa, and her children.  We're deeply entangled, in the nicest way.

It's hard being long distance, but we do the best to minimize the negatives, and create rituals, space, time, and connection.

And it works remarkably well.

Sure, sometimes the Skype call gets fuzzy, or the video conferencing sound gets weird.  And every once in a while, Alissa's cat, Nyla, has to insinuate herself in between us.

When stuff like that happens, we just laugh.

And we keep going the distance.

I love her.

#365Gratitude Day 57:Surfacing

On Sunday, I had a repeat morning.  I languished in bed. Eventually Rachel helped me get up, and get out of my diaper and pajamas.

I got a shower, got dressed, and began to feel human again.

Eventually, I was able to get my act together enough to leave the house to pick up medicine for Missy, and go grocery shopping.

I called Alissa and told her I was feeling back in the world again, almost.  We caught up as I drove around.  I said I felt like I was finally surfacing.

Then after I hung up with her, I actually got all turned around and lost on my way from the pharmacy to the grocery store.

And I just laughed.

It felt good.

#365Gratitude Day 56:Slow Chicken

On Saturday, I woke up around 10 am.  

That's sort of ridiculous for me.  I'm a habitual morning person.  I tend to pop awake around 5 most days, ready to take on the world.

I had a big list of plans: Make sure Missy was in good shape, slip out to the gym for an hour, go grocery shop, work on my side project.

Except for the first part, none of that happened.

I just sort of lay there, exhausted.

And, for a smart person, I can be incredibly dense sometimes.  I felt guilty about it.  I eventually got a shower, and came downstairs to lay on the couch next to Missy, and just be near her and not do anything.

I lamented aloud about how useless I was or some such and my sister-in-law, MB gently, lovingly gave me the what-for.  I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something like, "Uh, duh, Mako, you had like the worst day ever yesterday.  You're allowed to do nothing."

Lightbulb!

She was right.  So, I eased up and allowed myself permission to just take things slow.

About an hour later, the doorbell rang.  It was our girl Rachel.  And she had brought Peruvian rotisserie chicken.  Like, a lot of it.

That's a lot of chicken.

And she stayed over, and helped take care of Missy, and me, too.

I was so very, very grateful for it.