For ages and ages, I've said that my favorite episode of the Big Little Podcast is Number 9, Self-Esteem and Coming Out.

It's still true.  Do check it out.

I was on reddit this morning, responding to a thread on r/ABDL about how to come out to your therapist when I recommeneded episode 17, Ageplay and Finding a Therapist.  We recorded that thing waaaay back in 2011, seven years ago!


I'm solidly of the belief now that #17 is definitely my second favorite episode of all time, and that nine plus 17 equals a whole lot more than 26.

I remember it being good, but I hadn't listened to it in a while.  So I put it on.  Man, it sure is good.  First off, my friend Liz had super smart things to say about the physiology of the brain, and about telling a therapist about experiences of abuse.  My ex Kacie said wicked smart stuff about the reality of dating an age player and how it has nothing to do with actual kids, really smart, direct stuff.  

And then there's Andrea.  Andrea was so amazing on this episode.  She just was everywhere in the show.  Everything anyone had to say, she had support for, or great contrasting opinions.  She was raw, honest, open, and fantastic.

We're recording an episode of the show this week about grief & loss, during which Andrea will figure largely.  And it's been bittersweet and challenging, getting myself ready, writing up the list of things we're going to discuss.

Listening to episode 17 this morning gave me the warmest feeling about Andrea.  Listening to her wise words, lovely dirty innuendo, and caring talk just made me feel so good.  

There's this one moment, when I'm talking about my confused feelings around face slapping, due to childhood trauma, and I say something funny in the midst of describing it all.  And Andrea wanted to laugh, so much.  And I said it was okay to laugh, and she did.

Even though she's gone, she's still here with me.  


So, one of the reasons I started my patreon back in November was to stoke my creative engine.

It is so working.

This morning I set up a poll over at the patreon for patrons to pick from 1 of 3 options this month for the second of two fiction projects I'll be putting out this month.  My new novel is moving along nicely, and I've got neurons firing in so many different directions.  I've got some old characters doing new things, and new characters exploring brand new areas I've not written about before.

Plus, I use the amazing art my illustrator Jenn does, and the narration that Suzie Jenkins and I do, to make these sort of Reading Rainbow style movies now.

On top of all that, the creativity is bleeding over into other areas of my life.  I'm feeling reinvigorated in the coding I'm doing for my side business.  New projects I'm about to embark on in my day job are exciting and invigorating to me.  We've begun recording the Big Little Podcast again on a more regular schedule.

I feel so very, very ON.  

This morning I was up 15 minutes before my alarm clock, thinking about all the irons I have in the fire, not overwhelmed by it, but stirred up.  I love being a creative person.  I love connecting with that urge to make new things.  It's a vital, valuable part of my life.

I'm so grateful.

AuthorMako Allen

Friday night we recorded the latest episode of the podcast, another Around the World show. We had guests from Germany, Austria, Scotland, Ireland, and England.  It went great!

We've been doing the show for just shy of five years now.  Over the years we have added a live audience, a private all-the-time chat room, recorded weekly, reduced our recording schedule, used Skype, ditched Skype, started a transcription program for episodes, revisited topics, all sort of progress and change. 

Proud podcasting hat

Proud podcasting hat

And we're still going. And it never gets old to me. Each time the process excites me. From the first moment of brainstorming the topic, to the last second of doing the Kermit-arms wave with our guests it never gets old.  


AuthorMako Allen
Categories365 Gratitude

This morning I had a gratitude moment big enough to break my current too-busy-doing-stuff-to-blog streak.

I got this absolutely lovely piece of fan mail, from a listener/reader in Australia.  Stuff like this blows me away, for a few reasons.  

Way back when the podcast first got going we got an awesome piece of fan mail from a listener in South Africa, telling us how when she listened to the podcast, she felt, ever so briefly, like she was home again.  That's about 13,000 miles away.  It boggles my mind that something we did could affect someone so strongly, from so far away.

I knew then that the work we were doing was important work, work that not only could make a difference in people's lives, potentially, but that was actually doing it.

So, cut to the email I get this morning.  It's from M., a listener/reader somewhere in Australia (16,000 miles away roughly, this time, not that I'm counting, although I just did.). I was humbled by what he had to say to me, and asked his permission to reprint his mail here, which he happily agreed to.

Dear Mako,

Right now I am listening to episode 104 of the BLP about writing ABDL erotica. I am stuck at minute 30 where you ask your guests whether it means more to them to get feedback from a stranger vs. a good friend. In the following you agree to your guest that it means more to you to get feedback from a stranger than from a good friend.

At this point I decided to hit “pause” and write you a couple of lines as a stranger ☺

First of all I want to thank you, Spacey and May for your great work creating the best resource I know about age play on the planet. In your recordings you have collected so much knowledge and life experience that it would have filled a big library with books prio to the internet age. I produce a podcast for my professional life myself and know how much work it is to find and coordinate guests and to edit and publish a show!

Your podcast has changed my life and improves my marriage: From time to time I find an episode that is “safe” enough to listen with my vanilla partner and I listen to the episode again with my wife. Through your podcast the ADBL world is not a tabu anymore and we can openly talk about it. Thanks from the deep of my heart for your work. You guys have helped already countless people.

This warms my heart.  And, it's just what brother, Mae and I were after when we started the podcast.  I'm a huge believer in the idea that if you want the world to be a better place, you do the work to help make it so.  This is particularly meaningful to me just now, too, because my life is both really busy and really different from when we started the podcast.  I'm very busy working on a side project in my vanilla life, that, if things go well, will dramatically change my professional life.  

It's eating into my time for almost every other aspect of my life.  I haven't written a word of new fiction in months.  My 3rd book is sitting in a sort of limbo, waiting for me to have time to work on it again.  And the podcast is still going, but we're recording once a month (and sometimes not even that much!).  Yet, the body of work we have done is still out there and still making a difference.  That's huge for me.  I feel like the investment of effort I put forth five years ago is still paying dividends.

M. continues:

Now let’s rock some feedback:

I am not a professional author and can only offer the view of a consumer.

In the past I never bought anything related to ABDL on Amazon as I was to concerned about “being found out”. Even if I have decided a while ago that my little side is “private but not a secret” anymore - I still feared the step of shopping online. Anyway I did it, I signed up for a new email address, used an older credit card and bought it. Done

I read your book in two days: This might not seem like big staff but it is for me. I am a very slow reader. Normally I don’t enjoy reading at all. I have read many work related IT and coaching books but those are references and I rarely read those books cover to cover. I think the number of books I read cover to cover in my whole life is probably under 20.

This too warms my heart.  It's exactly what I want to happen when someone reads my work.  I want to take them out of their head and bring them into the vast fictional world inside my own.  I want to entertain them, arouse them, educate them, and when they're done, have them bring back to the real world things to make their own life better.  Which, as M. tells me, is exactly what happened.

Warning, some of this is slightly spoiler-ish, for Concerning Littleton

Parallel plots
One thing that freaked me out and at the same time enjoyed so much were your cuts between the different scenes from chapter to chapter. While reading how Christina gets spanked I wondered whether Aidan and David were still angry about each other. So the plot with Christina runs in your head like a background task on your computer. Similar to the Lord of the rings where you wonder how Frodo and Sam are progressing on their journey towards the mountain while you watch Legolas running across middle earth hunting orcs. So I really enjoyed this cuts that you had between chapters.

Guessing the plot
Very early in the books I came to the conclusion that all parallel plots will come together at the end and all people will meet for a huge spanking. I really enjoyed that I was (almost) right – I felt like a private investigator who figured the shit out! My little side is a well trained private investigator. ☺ I liked that I could predict what happens next or at least hope that his or that happens next.

Wow.  He just compared my work to Tolkien.  When I first read that I had to pick my jaw up off the floor.  Thank you!

Then that teaching thing happened.

Educate about Age Play
Another thing I really enjoyed is that you educate about age play while you tell an awesome story. You kicked my diapered bum in the chapter where Simon commands Abby to strip her cloth down in front of Christina and Adam’s dinner table. In the following you explain through Abby that Simon and Abby have a D/s relationship contract and Christina makes Adam watch her and says: “Daddy, that is where I want us to go”. What a great thing! You had triggered my greatest wishes and I could so much imaging to be Christina bagging for that.

This type of D/s contract was new to me and I had to tell my wife about it straight away. I stopped reading and told her directly ☺ As she is super vanilla she didn’t understand a thing what I was bubbling about but it actually led us in the following conversation to a great conversation about our relationship.

Through that we wrote down what we learnt from each other and what we would like to learn in the future. We never really did this either before. So even if it was not kink related it was a great conversation with my wife because of your work.

I am looking forward to read your next book!

M. from ******, Australia

This whole thing made me feel so good.  I've been struggling a bit lately, because I want to do all the things, and there just isn't enough time, and enough, well, me.  I've had to say a whole lot of no to people and activities, while I focus my attention on just a few very important people and things.  But it feels so damn good to know that my work with the podcast, and my books are out there, still improving lives, still entertaining, still helping, while I focus.  

My friend Moliére taught me the concept of passive income, things you do which can't help but make you money without any further action on your part later.  This is similar.  It feels good to know that my efforts in the past are still bearing fruit today.

I'm so grateful for that.




AuthorMako Allen
Categories365 Gratitude