Help is always a good thing, but especially now
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I got a surprise email today.
It was a note from the self-publishing house I use for my book “Auntie Eva’s Boarder.” They let me know about some sales back in October, and we’re sending me $12.42 in royalties.
This makes me happy. So far in 2019 I’ve sold 15 books, for around $92 in royalties. I’m not quitting my day job over those sorts of royalties anytime soon.
But that’s not at all the point. Total strangers bought these books, over at the Apple bookstore and through Lulu.com directly. People I don’t know and shall never meet. I don’t know why they bought them, don’t know how they came to decide.
Which, as an author is so validating to me. I view my writing somewhat like a baby bird. I get it just how I want it, and then I push it out of the nest, to fly away on its own.
AEB, as I call it sometimes, is my first book, which was originally published by Pink Flamingo Books, and then later republished by me thirteen years ago.
And it’s still chugging along, getting new readers. I can’t say enough how meaningful that is to me, that my work endures.
In my vanilla life during that time I’ve changed jobs about five times, houses too. I’ve had relationships come and go.
But these worlds I create, and the characters I fill them with, they remain.
I’m grateful for that.
I’ve been hard at work on Project Longbottom for over a month now.
Did I mention that I’m really not a late-night person? I have to be particularly excited or invested in something to stay up working on it.
Plus, my commute home from the day job is particularly crappy these days.
None of that mattered tonight. I came home, excited to get coding, after a day of coding at the day job.
I dug in. What I was doing was adding a sort of CSS framework to a web application I’m building. I figured out some “persnickety crap™” that wound up looking pretty good, but not exactly right.
I was tired, but I decided to just spend a few more minutes on it. That turned into about 3 hours.
And a commit which touched 5 different files, and made a couple of hundred additions.
I love that I pushed through feeling tired, and made real tracks.
I’m so on fire with this thing!
So I’m pretty damn lucky. I have amazing family and friends.
There’s this secret side project I have. My code name for it is Project Longbottom. I’m not going to tell you what it is, because until it’s done and I’m ready for you to see it, it’s a secret.
But I can’t do it entirely by myself. I need support. I need people to talk to about it openly, bounce ideas off, get feedback, show off to.
That sort of support is a big emotional labor.
And you know what?
I have boatloads of it.
Which stuns me. Between my wife, my girlfriend, my poly sister and brother, and an amazing cadre of various friends, I have a shortlist of about 20 people who I can go to, and who are cheering me on to make this thing real.
They talk with me on the phone. They text with me. They hang out with me on slacks and discords. They listen, they suggest, they guide. They ooh and ahh when I show off.
They’re my support crew
I am so damn grateful for that, and for each and every one of these people in my life.
Thanks, all of you.
So I was freaking myself out this morning.
Panic cat is panicking.
I'm learning this shiny, new-to-me technical thing at work. I largely understand it, but I keep bumping up against little pieces of it that don't make sense to me, and then spinning myself out into a frothy mix of panic, anxiety, and doomsaying.
Then I got pinged by my friend Matti, who was asking me to remind him of the 4 Necessities. That is, the four things I have told him before that are absolutely mandatory and which you cannot help but to do them. Talking to him about them reminded me that they apply to me too.
Here they are:
- You must exist. Because you already do. If you're questioning whether you have to or not, WHO'S DOING THE ASKING?
- You must age. Because you are. You're moving forward in time, 1 second per second, relentlessly. Can't stop it.
- You must change. Because you do. Literally every moment of every day. The you of 3 three minutes ago is different at a molecular level, even if it's only partially.
- You must, eventually, die. Because like all living things, you will.
Every other single thing except these 4 things is utterly and completely optional.
Whew. I'm glad he asked me to remind him. I needed the reminder myself. Now that it's on my mind, I'm able to step back from my full-on-freak-out and see that I don't have to doubt myself. I can just put my head down and move forward as best I can.
Mindfulness is work. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to it.