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Every so often,  I have these moments where I see so very plainly how much my wife Missy understands me, how I tick, what matters to me.

It could be something little (pun intended) or some big life changing moment. Over the more than a decade we’ve been together, it’s happened many, many times. 

But each time it happens, it takes my breath away in the best way.  

Posted
AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow

It's funny how a good night's sleep sets you to rights.  I had an excellent one last night, getting to bed on time, lights out.  I got 7 hours and 20 minutes of gorgeous sleep.  

I struggle with bedtimes often.  I don't want to go to bed, or have a ton of things on my mind, or busy myself with unimportant things.  There's no video game that needs 20 more minutes of playing, no facebook post that needs replying to, more than I need my sleep.

But I rocked it last night.  Then this morning, I woke up feeling ready to take on the world.  Missy got me out of my diaper, and into the shower, and got on her way.

After I got out, I got nice sweet text messages from her.

These, specifically.

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Intellectually, I know I'm generally well behaved. and a good boy.  But it sure is nice to be told so.

Posted
AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow

Today, I'm doing some writing and hanging out with Missy in the living room.

Yang is with me

Yang is with me

My boycat Yang is sitting on my lap, insinuating himself between me and the laptop.  It's adorable.  It's a pain in the ass.  It's both!  

Cats are such funny, entitled, loving agents of chaos.  At first I wanted to push him off my lap, and really get to work.  But he's got me realizing it's important to go slow, and pay attention to love.

It makes me think of Andrea.  She was a cat person too.  Her babies, Abbycat and Daddycat, look, weirdly like my Yin and Yang.  She has expressed to me many times how they're lovely pains-in-the-neck, too.

I COULD be writing in my office, at my desk. without company (cat or spouse).  But it's better this way.

I know Andrea would approve.

Posted
AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow
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This is my boycat, Yang.  I've had him and his sister, Yin almost 13 years now.  They've been with me their whole lives.

There's this routine they do with me, every single morning.  Part of that routine has to do with when I get out of the shower, and I'm getting dressed.  I lay my clothes out on the bed, sit down and begin to dress.  

Yin sits nearby and begins to meow at me, urgently, so I don't forget that this time is also, crucially, mere moments before the high pinnacle of the day, the moment at which I give them wet cat food for breakfast.

Yang plays a part in this ritual too.  He sits next to me, and butts his head against me, rubbing it into my arm, my back, my side, my leg, any part of me he can get at, in an earnest effort to let me know, just in case I didn't know, how very much he loves me, how great he thinks I am, how he wishes me joy and sucess and good fortune all day, and... to not forget to give him and his sister their breakfast.

I turned to him this morning, and petted him, and reassured him, "Oh buddy," I said, "I know, I already know."

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Yang looked at me earnestly and kept on head butting me.

This is when I was struck with a powerful epiphany.  There is a giant venn overlap between my cats, and my own submissive tendencies.

My cats are beautiful, graceful, powerful creatures.  They can run fast, leap high, (granted, not as fast nor as high as they used to), are alert, clever, wholly magnificent creatures. At the same time, they are neurotic, insecure, peculiar, and very funny.  No matter how many times (thousands) we have repeated this morning ritual, they are never blasé about it.  Each morning they're this heady mixture of anxious, nervous, fearful and excited for their breakfast.  They go from graceful to goofball.

I am just like this about the things that Missy and Alissa do with and to me.  

Every time Missy is going to spank me, or I think I might need a spanking, I become this hesitant, excited version of myself.  

Every time I want Alissa to change my diaper, I rub against her like one of my cats, get all clingy and up in her business.

At the prospect of physical intimacy it's like this switch flips in my head, and all the other things I am recede, fade.  My lifelong obsession with writing? Off.  My daily practice of mindful contemplation?  Nowhere.  

I broadcast to my partners, loudly, about these pending and very necessary things.  The familiar dance we are potentially about to do again becomes EVERYTHING.  In that moment, what I am with them, to them, it's all that I am.

Powerful.

It gives me maybe just a little more patience with the cats, and with myself.

 

Posted
AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow