So, I'm excited.  I should say we are excited.

My little, mako-kun, adores our friend Bryn.  They messaged us, out of the blue, this morning to see what we were up to Saturday.  And the stars, gears, and other intricate what-nots have aligned so that Bryn can come over and we can have a playdate!

We're going to watch Finding Dory.  And eat awesome keto fried pickles, which I'm going to make.  We're gonna cuddle and enjoy sharing this awesome movie (one of our favorites) which we cannot believe Bryn hasn't seen yet!

It's gonna be just like this... except with snack foods and a comfy couch

It's gonna be just like this... except with snack foods and a comfy couch

I'm ridiculously excited about this, for a lot of reasons.  I shall list them for you now:

  1. Bryn, much like myself, is a very-busy-grownup-type-person.  It's a rare moment when we both have time to lavish on one another.
  2. That lavishing thing, yo.  It feels SO GOOD that someone I like so much reached out to me for social time that's just about us.  That's like a luxury beyond luxuries.
  3. It's very worth noting that Bryn isn't just my friend, they're mako-kun's friend.  Like, separately and in addition to being mine.  That feels entirely wonderful for a variety of complex reasons.
  4. We're totally going to have fried pickles, which I found a recipe for, that I'm excited to try.
  5. As much as I love and care for my little brain-room-mate, it's really pretty rare that I put him first in terms of my time and obligations.  Making time and space for him to have fun with his very dear friend feels so damn good.
  6. Have I mentioned how very much I like Bryn?

Is it Saturday yet?

AuthorMako Allen

Last night Missy, MB, and I went to The Crucible, for the P part of the LF&P.

It's the first time I've been there since they moved to their new location.  I saw tons of people I adore, who I haven't seen in person in ages.

It was fantastic.  I have all these friends I've known through the club and Camp Crucible for a long time now.  People welcomed me with open arms, literally.  I hugged.  I got hugged.  My butt got grabbed a bunch.  I grabbed people's butts too.

I was positively dipped in my own history as an adult, in that population.  It felt amazing.

And I got to sit, cuddle and talk with my friends Dixie, and Bryn.


I'm gonna take a minute to absolutely gush about her.  Because she's absolutely gushworthy.  (Sure, it's a word.)

Bryn, she's not just MY friend, but she's also mako-kun's friend.  He just loves her to pieces.  She's a grownup he knows and trusts and really likes.  And she not only knows this, but takes joy in it.

She really sees him, distinct and separate from me.  And likes both of us. 

This means the world to me.  She's got this funny ability - she can call mako-kun out, and he'll just pop right out, happy to see her, and spend time with her, even if it's in the midst of a busy place, filled with people he doesn't know.

mako-kun, unlike me, is kinda shy.  He's hesitant and fearful of being seen by people who don't get him.  So, in busy places, and amongst strangers, he mostly hides in the back of our head.

But that's not how it is with Bryn.  She makes him feel so safe, and welcomed.  We're laying on the couch, talking, Bryn, me, and Dixie, and she asks if mako-kun's around - and WHOOSH, out he popped.  

From the back, I watched them laughing, cuddling, and being silly together.  (Bryn is an EXCEPTIONALLY silly person.  If silly is a martial art, she's got a black belt in it.)  And I was able to just hang out in the back of my head, and relax.

Because he was safe with Bryn.

She's really wonderful.




AuthorMako Allen

Last night Maya, Michael & I were supposed to go to a concert. It got postponed because of some kind of issue with  the venue, so instead after dinner we caught a movie, Disney's Moana.

What a great movie.  It's the story of how Moana, the daughter of the chief of the island of Motunui, is chosen by the ocean to save the world, by confronting the trickster demigod Maui, and forcing him to return the stolen heart of Te Fiti to the mother island and goddess.

So, a funny thing happened to me as I watched the movie.  There's this thing about Maui that really spoke to me, so much so that I kinda teared up and began to cry a bit as I watched the film.  Maui has these magical tattoos which appear on his body as he earns them.  Running throughout them (literally running, jumping, crawling, sometimes back-talking him, and often being funny and winning over the audience) is a little tattoo version of Maui.  

He's not Maui, but he is.  He represents a part of him.  The character himself is complex.  He's kind of selfish, tricky, and has some issues with bluster and self-esteem.  But his tattoo seems to always speak the truth, and is earnest, almost innocent.  And they often disagree, which is heartwarming, cute, and really funny. 

Which is almost exactly the relationship that mako-kun and I have.  Mako-kun is the other me, the other persona/identity/part of me that shares the lovely apartment building that's my mind.  He's my brain-room-mate or something.  He's not exactly me, and not exactly not me, either.

Maya noticed I was kinda gobsmacked, and whispered to me to ask me what was up, and I told her how Maui reminded me of us.  And she squeezed my hand, and whispered to me how she totally saw it, totally got it. 

That made it even better. 


AuthorMako Allen
Categories365 Gratitude

So it's no secret that I, I should say, we, love Finding Nemo, and its sequel, Finding Dory.  A little while after we saw the new movie (which is stellar), Mommy got us a plushie baby Dory, Destiny the Whale Shark, and Bailey the Beluga Whale.

We were walking through Wal-Mart shopping for something else entirely when we saw Destiny, and with an almost audible pop, my littler self mako-kun came rushing to the surface.  He grabbed Destiny, and had this piteously needy expression on his face.  (My face?  Dissociation makes things confusing sometimes.)  Mommy not only got Destiny for him, but found those other two  right away.

A while goes by, and I forget where we first saw it, but we heard that there was actually Finding Dory cereal!  Mako-kun wanted this with the white hot fury of a thousand suns.  At first, I wasn't inclined to go get it, because sugared cereal, blah blah blah, grown up bullshit talk, etc etc.  

But it became like this thing with him.  Often when he and I are communicating, he "speaks" to me nonverbally, showing me a cascade of images one after another, or one image, very sharply.   That became, you guessed it, the box of Finding Dory cereal we saw on the internet.  It's a placeholder as a symbol for a bunch of different things, including:

  • Stop.  Listen to me.
  • This is serious.
  • You're not paying attention to what I want/need/would really like to have since you love me so much.
  • I don't ask for much.

Along the way this little internal dialogue caught Mommy's notice, and my Auntie Squee's notice too.  This was not hard, because hints of it were everywhere.  

Yesterday I went out on errands, which included among other things, grocery shopping.  I went out of my way looking for the cereal, but couldn't find it.

I did get this other Krave cereal, which had a thing on it to get these Finding Dory points so you could save up and send away for a cool projection lamp.  But mako-kun was crushed.  I promised him the next time I went shopping I would go looking.

Then we came home, and found that MOMMY HAD ALREADY GOT SOME WHILE SHE WAS OUT TOO.  She found it at a Walgreen's.  We exercised restraint and didn't tear the box open.  Actually, it wasn't that hard, we wanted to really savor the cereal, really take our time.  So we waited until after I had got back from my run this morning, ad we could really eat it slowly, mindfully.

We opened the box.  We got out our favorite shark cereal bowl.  We carefully measured out a portion (1 cup of cereal, and 1/2 a cup of whole milk.)  We noticed the little Dory marshmallows (and Nemo ones too.)  We got a giggle or two out of "finding" Nemo and Dory, several times.  We realized that all of the makoish things there are to eat, and mako-kunish things, that this cereal is probably the most mako-kunish thing there is, hands down, ever, period.

Then we ate it.


We have the best Mommy in the whole world.