#365 Gratitude Day 193: My imperfections

Someone told me recently that, proportionately, the earth is incredibly smooth. If you magnified the head of a pin to the size of the earth it would be a jagged mess.  Or to put it another way, despite all these mountains and valleys and canyons, from far enough out in space, the earth is positively silky. 

I can't remember who told me this, because I'm imperfect. 

I try my best to not cause harm or suffering to others. Sometimes, though, I do. I've been selfish, aggressive, lazy, proud, too. 

In his lecture series Play of the Self, the philosopher Alan Watts says that opposites are a vital part of existence, that energy can only move and thrive against resistance. In order to dance, we need a floor to do it on. 

I see that imperfections, and our desire to rid ourselves of them are like that. We're bound to make mistakes sometimes, to cause harm, as we interact with others. Sometimes we are the hot stove others shouldn't touch. 

When I have an a-ha moment that I've unwittingly caused harm it IS painful.  

But later I'm grateful for it. Because moments like that are great catalysts for change. 

I think where I get in trouble sometimes is I'll struggle with perspective. I will be super focused in, seeing myself like that magnified pin head (often when I myself feel like a pinhead, ha!). 

Then later, I'll remember to zoom out into space and look at myself from that lovely smooth distance.  

I'm grateful when I stumble across my cracks. They give me needed perspective.  

#365 Gratitude Day 192: Going Slow

Stick with me for this one. It's wisdom that took me a while to get. How long? About 18 years. It's also going to take a rather long explanation.  

What you're looking at there are a comic book I used to own, 18 years ago, and my breakfast today. 

The breakfast is a piece of toast with lingonberry jam, and a green grape and banana smoothie. 

The comic book is the 1996 annual for Impulse. Impulse is a speedster, the meta human nephew of The Flash. He can run, move, and think thousands of times faster than an ordinary human being.  

He's also a teenager. As you can imagine this is often a terrible combination.

This particular issue is a sort of alternate story, a one shot re-imagining of the character. In it, the character wakes up from a cryogenic sleep on an alien planet, found by a kind man named Kinnock.  

The planet they're on is occupied by aliens. (It looks like a future earth.) The aliens hate it there. They think it's hot, has terrible food,  and that the environment is aggressively damaging to their equipment. 

That is because of the work of Kinnock and his students, who are members of a hidden rebellion.  They slowly wreak havoc on these aliens, sabotaging their systems, ruining their food stores, generally invisibly but steadily ruining their lives. 

They also live a monastic sort of life that allows them to tap into the energy of the speed force, and move at superhuman speed. As you grow in your studies, Kinnock gives you a new name, like Spark, Wisp, or Zephyr.

When Kinnock rescues Bart and brings him to the monastery, he begins to teach him this way.  

Bart, being impulsive (see what I did there?) wants to plow through the studies, and be able to do as Kinnock and the others do. As he starts to learn he also grows impatient with the group. Why not just directly attack the aliens, destroy them? 

Kinnock teaches Bart the true secret of mastering the speed force. "Hurrying is incompatible with going fast."

But the lesson doesn't take. In a fit of frustration, Bart, or Impulse as he is now known, attacks the aliens directly. This leads them directly back to the monastery. They proceed to burn it to the ground, killing everyone inside. 

Or so it appears. Kinnock rescues Impulse yet again, bringing him to another smaller compound, where some of the students still yet live. 

Bart realizes the true power of Kinnock's lesson.  

That's the story, more or less.  If I got a bit of it wrong, hey this was almost 20 years ago.  

What does this have to do with my breakfast?  EVERYTHING. 

When I got up this morning, I was a terrible combination of tired and overwhelmed.

The night before I had accidentally slept through my train stop coming home, resulting in a misadventure that got me stuck in the boonies, and made me take a $30 cab ride to get out of it. I was determined not to repeat that today. 

I got up, and began rushing around to get ready so I wouldn't miss my train. I stumbled over a box, couldn't find one shoe, and started to get frustrated and move even faster.  

Then I remembered Impulse and Kinnock.  

I checked the train schedule, and decided to take a slightly later train. Once I had, I realized I had plenty of time, and relaxed. After that I found my shoe, put that troublesome box into a closet, had time to send some important info to a friend, and even time left over to make myself a really nice, healthy breakfast and drive slowly to the train station, to make it on time for my train.  Hurrying really is incompatible with going fast. 

Kinnock's lesson isn't an original one. I've seen it other places, stated other ways.  The Tao te Ching speaks of it, too. "The soft overcomes the hard."

It's a slow lesson I'm grateful for every time I take the time to hear it. 

#365 Gratitude Day 191: Being a Grownup

This morning I started my day with a plan.  Get out of the house by a certain time, hit the train, work out, then work. 

From the BRILLIANT web comic XKCD http://xkcd.com/150/

It didn't work out that way. I got a medical bill in the mail that was shocking. 

So, I called. After a few phone calls, I more or less figured out what was going on, and things turned out to be fine.  

But so much for that early train. 

At first I was irked that my careful plans got messed up. Then I saw the dishes from dinner in the sink, and realized I now had the time to take care of them, and catch the next train.  

I read somewhere recently that being a grownup means cleaning your room when no one will know, see, or praise you for it.  

It was said ironically, but actually I see that it's true.  After I got the kitchen cleaned up, I drove to the station, got down to the tracks nice and early, chatted with a good friend, and listened to an awesome grown-up and rocking version of The Hokey Pokey while I waited for my train. 

You heard that right, a cover of the Hokey Pokey. This one. 

Being a grown-up is GREAT. It means I can handle emergencies, take care of myself, and the people I love, and that I get to be the arbiter of what's good, and good for me in my life.  That's something I'm IMMENSELY grateful for.  

#365 Gratitude Day 190: Shared humor with my wife

Missy and I are both giant dorks. We love video games, wearing matching t-shirts, and lolcats, also known as cat macros. 

One thing we do from time to time is take funny pictures of our cats, and then make them into our own cat macros. 

Here's a funny one that happened just this morning.  

I eat this stuff up. I love that Missy is my dork buddy. One of the very best parts of being married to her is reveling in our shared odd humor. I'm grateful we make each other laugh, loudly and often. 

#365 Gratitude Day 189: Bodies, especially mine

This morning as I was walking to the train, I noticed a woman doing the same.  She had some sort of mobility issue, and the walk was clearly an effort for her.   That got me thinking. 

I love my body. It's not without it's share of issues. I've been heavier, and I've been skinnier.  I have sleep apnea, pretty bad.  Sometimes I have circulation issues, where if I sit for too long, my legs fall asleep.  I'm slightly nearsighted, and used to be much worse, before I had LASIK.  I'm very prone to sinus infections, too.

Yet my body is also amazing.  I've run half marathons.  I can swim an hour of breaststroke without stopping.  When I need to, I can push my body to do more than my mind thinks it can.

For most of my life I didn't think I was an athlete, which turned out to be wrong.  I'm glad I figured out that was so.  Through will and hard work I was able to lose an enormous amount of weight and learn to run.  Since then, I have put some back, which doesn't make me very happy. 

But I understand something now I didn't before.  No matter what weight I am, no matter what circumstances I'm dealing with, physically, mentally, emotionally, my body is right there with me, doing the best it can with whatever life throws at it.  When I work it, it responds.  

That is amazing.  I'm grateful for my body.