#365Gratitude Day 27:Knowing my $#!†

This might be the first time I've put a cartoon poop in my blog.

I've been involved in this big refactoring at my day job.  That's when you take something you've already made, and you keep the good parts, and throw away, improve, or upgrade the rest.

The old way.  Perfectly serviceable, kind of ugly.

Yesterday, and some of the day before I was researching ways to replace the jQueryUI Date Picker with something a bit more modern that fits into bootstrap.js's way of doing things.

The new hotness.  So shiny!

I found something great, a js library called bootstrap-datepicker.  It's much prettier.  And it has way, WAY more configurable options for how it looks, what it does, and how to get it on your page.

However, there were some not-immediately-obvious things about it.

For one, the documentation was a bit unclear on exactly what files I needed to put into my project to use it.  After I dug around a bit, I figured out exactly which javascript file and which cascading style sheet I needed to go with my particular flavors of bootstrap and jQuery.

The other thing the documentation was none too specific about was whether or not I could use it commercially.  But I sussed that out too, eventually finding on the project's GitHub page a file for its license, which is an Apache License, meaning it was a-okay to use it.

So I download everything, put it where I think it needs to go, and get tinkering.  And it won't come up!  That was when I realized that while I had created an asset-pipeline manifest for the files, and put them where they need to go in my project, I hadn't actually put the required asset tags on the page where I was trying to use the feature.

They look kinda like this:

<asset:javascript src="cooljslibrary.js"/>
<asset:stylesheet href="coolcssfile.css"/>

I got them on the page where they should be, reloaded, and VOILA! 

And that was when I realized that I know my shit, meaning I also know I'm not shit.

#365Gratitude Day 26:Thursday Night Brother Brick

So on Thursdays, my brother Spacey and I have an hour or so dedicated to just talk.  Sometimes that's when one, or both of us, is in the car on the way home from work.  Sometimes, we're both home by ourselves and can really lean into it and unwind.  However we do it, it's pretty damn important that we do it.

Because we love one another very much.

Brother and I, we are polyamorous partners.  Our relationship has been, is, and continues to be one of the single most important things in my life.  It's magical.  He's not my boyfriend, but we are intimate in all sorts of ways, physically, emotionally, ways that I can't even really describe.  He's an atheist, and I'm a non-theist, we're both highly technical, rational people, and yet there's a bond between us that defies reason and explanation.  We genuinely feel like we're extensions of the same person.

It's profound.

Which is why when we have our little Thursday night talks, we can (and do) talk about everything and nothing.  Our talks range from the sillies of goofy nonsense to seriously ponderous life issues.  We have no boundaries.  There's no topic off limits, no piece of information that's sequestered.

So often, I know myself better through him.  

We had a thing just like that this past Thursday.  I was lamenting to him how frustrated I am lately, because I'm so on, creatively.  

I have this side project for a business I've been working on for several months now.  It's QUITE real.  I've been engaged in it for about six months.  I have a business partner, a mentor, a code repository where I keep it, went to a conference to do research for it, and broke ground on coding it back in early November.  I hope to have the prototype for it done sometime in the spring.

After which, I have another software project I'm going to build with one of my best friends, which will also be a business, and is something I have wanted to create for well over a decade.

Meanwhile, my 3rd novel is in a sort of stasis, "up on bricks", waiting for me to get back to it.  I have some major retooling I want/need to do to it, too.  

And the other day the idea for my 4th novel hit me like a thunderbolt.

Based on the time and energy I have, the schedule for my software/business projects, and just my life, I won't be going back to work on my 3rd novel for at least a year and a half.

I can't see that I will be able to get to that 4th novel for probably two years.

That's right.  Two years.

While I'm excited about all these things I have going on, I also feel almost smushed by it all, like a heavy boot is pressing down on me, constricting me.  Because I want to do all of it, and I want to do it right now.

This is where my magical relationship with my fantastic brother comes in.

He complimented me on how effective I've been lately.  About how I am getting shit done.  I've written and published two novels, helped to create over 100 episodes of a podcast that's been running for over five years.

He reminded me of a truth I hold dear, something I know intimately, and which I have taught countless times to others.  I can do anything, but not EVERYTHING.  

When I've taught this same thing to coaching clients, or just people in general I describe this feeling I'm having as having a Great Wall Problem.

The Great Wall, counting all its branches is over 13,000 miles long.  There's a long running myth that it's the only man-made object that can be seen with the naked eye from space.  It's massive.  When you think that human hands built it, and try to conceive of it, of going from no wall to finished wall, your brain kind of crashes.  It's so ridiculously big, that the idea of building the entire thing just can't fit in your head.

Yet there it is.  And it was built, brick by brick, by human hands.

Brother reminded me that I've been doing some excellent brickwork lately.  It's each brick that matters, not all of them.

I love him.

#365Gratitude Day 25:Getting a whole lot of stuff done

Wednesday was an amazing day for me, technologically speaking.  I woke up fresh from a good night's sleep, tromped downstairs still in my overnight diaper, and sat down to several hours of work on my side project.

I got feature after feature done, I just tore through them, like a lawnmower through blades of grass.

Then I got out of my diaper, into a shower, drove to work, and did the exact same thing at work.  My brain was on fire.

I love that feeling.

#365Gratitude Day 24:Talkmagic

Tuesday night Missy and I spent a really big chunk of time just sitting and talking to each other.  The details of the what that we talked about don't matter here (and are private anyhow).

What's big is the talking itself.  We talked about things we think, hope, feel, and struggle with.  And when I say we talked, I mean it.  Missy shared deep thinky things.  I listened.  Then I shared some deep talky things.  She listened.

It was magical.  We felt supertotal connected.  We went to bed even more cuddly than we normally are.  (And let me tell you people, we are some damn cuddly folks to begin with.)

We woke up still feeling that sense of more-powerful-connection.

Missy and I have been together more than a decade.  We've been married nine years.  It's easy to grow complacent, make assumptions, rely on the connection you already have.  But when you talk and actively reach for one another, it's like everything's shiny, new, and possible all over again.

I'm so grateful for my amazing wife.

#365Gratitude Day 23:My new teacher, Mr. Wood

Mr. Wood isn't a person.  It's a paddle, this one:

Squee had me name him for her after she used him to give me a spanking for some things I did while I was visiting, as well as one she gave me just because we were playing.

Mr. Wood is stingy, with a bit of thud.  In Squee's capable hand he's a very good teacher.

Why he's my gratitude for that day is because of this thing he represents about Squee, and about our relationship.  So much of what we do is sexually stimulating, exciting, arousing.  But that's only one part of it.  It's also incredibly nurturing and emotionally validating.  Our relationship involves us mutually helping one another to learn about one another, and to grow, both individually and together.  

It's very real, and very good.

I love her so.