#365Gratitude Day 349: Being of a particular nature

So there's this idea about "average people."  They live in a house with a white picket fence, have 2.6 children, a dog, a car, all that jazz, right?

It's probably mostly bullshit. 

But having said that, if there truly is such a thing, I know I'm not it. 

I gave a friend of mine a ride the other day, and she, like me, is highly deviated from that everyday path.  As we drove together, we discussed her not being quite like everyone else.

She and her room-mate aren't exactly dating, but aren't exactly not dating either.  He's kind of like her vanilla dad.  They look out for one another, love one another, and are emotionally intimate, while not being otherwise intimate.  She often tells people that he's her boyfriend, because it's easier than explaining the very complicated true nature of their relationship, which doesn't seem weird, outré, or odd to her.   

But she sometimes forgets that, out in the rest of the world, that makes her an oddball.  

My own life is very much like this.  I'm polyamorous, and a part of a number of different relationships.  Each of these is unique, with its own special wonderful facets.  I'm not going to list them all for you here, there's no need for that. 

But the thing I'm grateful for is this: I don't need to be like those picket fence people.  I can, and do, find my own joys, out of the circumstances of my own life.  

My life is often pretty darn weird.  I have these deep emotional connections to people I'm not related to, except by choice.  It can be difficult to explain to others, sometimes.  I have "kids" who are chronologically older than me.  I'm regularly laid bare, emotionally, and physically, in front of a whole group of people who I'm very entangled with.  

But it's so very enjoyable to be a part of. 

#365Gratitude Day 348: Being okay with not being okay

Yesterday I was grouchy.  

I was out of spoons from a very busy day the day before.  Plus, it looked like I might be coming down with a cold.  (Which today, I don't have, thank goodness!)

My plan was a day filled with activity.  But I just didn't have it "in the tank".  

I got up, ran an errand for Missy, who was working, went and worked out, and realized I just didn't feel good.  

I'm generally a cheery, easygoing, kinda-love-everyone sort of person.  Not yesterday.  The littlest thing made me want to snap at people, say, or think terrible things.  I was downright unpleasant.  I knew it, too.  I decided I needed to pull the emergency brake on the train of my day.

So I came home and proceeded to do the one thing I most needed to do:

Nothing.

I rested, all day.  Watched some mindless television, ate some leftovers, played some games on my iPad, and was wholly and completely unproductive.  I ate ice cream.

It was a good choice.  Today, I feel much better.  

#365Gratitude Day 347: A little beer

No, I mean that literally.  My very kind friend William Little made me own little beer. 

How awesome is that?  It is delicious beer, too.

#365Gratitude Day 346: Being an avatar of absurdity

I've got this weird yin-yang duality going on in much of my life. I'm big and little, often carefree and easygoing, yet also philosophical and serious.

One way this bears out is that I take silliness seriously. I'm not afraid to look or act ridiculous sometimes. In fact, I often relish it.  I love making people smile, laugh, or just suddenly see the world a little bit differently. 

I'm an avatar of absurdity, in countless little ways. I have a collection of oddball socks I wear to work.  I intentionally misunderstand awkward grammar for comic effect. I'm always on the lookout for puns and tricksy language. 

Also, I sure do love funny hats. 

Today I started wearing a new one which my sister in law, M. got me for Christmas. It's a Santa hat with a ridiculously long top tail.  

Several people at the station and on the train this morning have smiled at me or even openly laughed at my awesome, completely ridiculous hat. 

This one woman sitting across from me on the train even talked to me about it.  

"That is a great hat," she said, smiling.

"Thanks," I said, "it's just right for this time of year."

She nodded, then clearly was thinking about what I'd said.  

"Just imagine if you saw me with it in, say, June," I added.  

She openly laughed now. "Yeah, you'll need a different one then." 

I laughed too.  

#365Gratitude Day 345: Cantdo & Dontcan

This morning I got up around 4:45 to take care of a few items on my to-do list before I got out of the house. 

I'm habitually up around 5 anyhow, but today was working extra hard to get on my way early, so I could swim before work, at the gym near my house. 

I was successful, too. Despite having to take time to put out the recycling, and then getting delayed at the gym because I briefly lost one of the end caps for my waterproof headphones, I got in a nice half hour swim.  It felt great.  I got to the gym before dawn, and left after sunrise. 

I'll admit, when I first had the idea to do it I wasn't sure I could manage it.  

That's where my gratitude comes from today. A while back I heard someone say that "don't" is a better paradigm for considering things than "can't."   Can't is an absolute. Things you can't do, you could never, and will never do. 

So, while I could (and frankly have previously) said, "I can't work out by the house in the morning, make my train, and go to work on time.", instead I had another option. 

I can (and did) say "I don't typically work out at that gym in the morning, but maybe I can."

I even spoke in boldface type when I said it.  That's some challenging shit.  

It worked out just fine. I loved it, too. I plan to do it more. 

I'm grateful I have a don't-can attitude as opposed to a can't-do one, sometimes.