So stick with me here, because this one is a bit inscrutable. It’s Father’s Day as I write this. And what I feel about that is… nothing.
The symbol for nihilism.
Let me explain what I mean here. I guess the first place to start is my relationship with my own father. It was complex.
He was alternately a mythic hero, and a despicable villain in my life. He was largely absentee, often emotionally unavailable or abusive.
My dad was a sociopath and a narcissist. He was a very wealthy and successful businessman for much of my life. He was serially unfaithful to my mother, gaslit and emotionally blackmailed my entire family too. He embezzled an incredibly large amount of money from my grandparents family business, and faked having leukemia.
I know, horrible. Yet at one point I admired the man I thought he was.
All of this is Very Old News™️. He’s been dead at least a decade.
I saw a Facebook post from a friend earlier about his realization of what day it was, and how he was going to absent himself from social media because it hurt too much.
I feel that. Or rather, I did. There was a time in my life when I was so hurt, raw, and angry from the feelings of betrayal I had about my dad. I used to weep bitterly at this certain coffee commercial during Christmas.
But I am long past it. I think about the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, and I went through all of them.
Plus, some astounding good has come into my life because of the villainy of my dad.
Because of his machinations I am not encumbered by the yoke of guilt, secrecy, and shame many kinky people feel. I evaluate every emotional relationship I have on its own merit.
That in turn has helped me to help so many others to learn to love themselves, both inside the kink community, and elsewhere.
Which brings me back to today, to Now. Those old wounds have long since scabbed over and healed. They’re still not happy things for me, but in the context of my life, they have a place I’ve become comfortable with.
I’ve made them my own. I’m going to show this post to my friend and give him my heartfelt wish that he can work his way to a similar sort of peace.