So here’s the thing.
I’m a grown-up.
But I forget that all the time. I don’t mean that in an age play kind of way.
I’m 50 years old, and I’ve been working for many years. I’ve been married twice. The second time it took, we’ve been together almost 16 years.
And in my day job I’m a programmer and a pretty good one. Plus over the years I’ve done some stuff. I created the age play pride symbol, wrote two novels, and with my partner Spacey created a pretty good podcast.
But a lot of the time I forget all that stuff.
That’s not a bad thing. For one thing, none of that stuff makes me deserve special treatment. I’m just a guy doing what matters to him. I’m no better or worse than anybody else.
For another, it keeps me fresh. While all those things inform who I am right now, none of it closes me off from change. I know the truth, that life is filled with possibility.
But still, every once in a while, all the stuff over my shoulder sort of jumps into my field of view. That happened this morning, during my usual meditation.
And I’m grateful for it. I like what I’ve done, and who I have been. It makes me feel mature.
I think that just like anybody else I often feel like a kid in an adult body. Like I’m making it up as I go along, waiting for that time when I’ll know I’m making good choices, that I’ve got my shit together.
But I don’t have to wait for that.
I am grateful for my maturity.