So here's the shirt I wore to the gym yesterday when I ran.
You'll notice it's got this little kind of rust colored mark on it, about halfway down. The shirt is the won I wore to the Parkway Classic, a 10 mile race I did a few years back when I was first getting started running. It was my first big race. I had pinned my number to my shirt with safety pins, like you do, and spent the entire race sweating on them. Then after the race, I took my shirt off, but forgot to take the pins out, and let the whole thing sit for a while.
Which leads to the rust marks on my shirt. They used to really bother me, I used to think of them as a stain. I would actively not wear this shirt to run, because it embarrassed me. I would seek out any other running shirt I had, to avoid recalling that mistake.
But a while back I changed my mind. I've actually come to love this shirt. Because those marks are signs of learning. The very next big race I did, I got myself these loopy clips that go around my stretchy running belt to hold my number.
I'm in the space where I'm learning to run again, learning to make it a priority in my life. When I first found myself back here, it felt almost shameful, like I had lost ground, and now had to work hard to get back to where I was.
In a word, bullshit.
Yesterday I got in a 2 something mile run, doing a 45 second run, 4:15 walk interval. It's starting to become not challenging. During my runs I would sprint, big bursts of speed. It felt good. My plan is to gradually increase that interval, as I feel comfortable. (Meaning maybe early next week I'll be doing 1 minute run, 4 minute walk. I'm aiming at a 3/2 interval, but who knows, maybe I'll go beyond that?"
There's a Lao-tzu quote about this that really speaks to me.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
I am so grateful for each step I take, each day I live.