#gratitudeNow: My brother

Spacey and I had the best phone call today.

It was a Thursday, and like pretty much every Thursday, we had a call on the books.  It's one of the ways in which we stay connected.

Anyhow, our phone call was so damn good.  I mean, they're always good, but this one was spectacular.  Besides planning out about 7 months worth of Big Little Podcast topics, we had this very substantive talk about relationships, about our own connection and how much we mean to one another, about healthy boundaries, communication, empathy, and self-love.

One of my favorite things about my brother is that he loves digging into the deep stuff like this with me.  We're like co-pilots of some spaceship that traverses the brain and the heart.

One of the things he told me is that while he considers me his poly partner, when he's explaining our relationship to vanilla folks he refers to me as his best friend.  Not surprisingly, I'm in complete agreement with him.  We're of one mind on it.  I see it just the same.

I'm so grateful for him.  He makes my life better each and every day.

#gratitudeNow: Good math

For ages and ages, I've said that my favorite episode of the Big Little Podcast is Number 9, Self-Esteem and Coming Out.

It's still true.  Do check it out.

I was on reddit this morning, responding to a thread on r/ABDL about how to come out to your therapist when I recommeneded episode 17, Ageplay and Finding a Therapist.  We recorded that thing waaaay back in 2011, seven years ago!

I'm solidly of the belief now that #17 is definitely my second favorite episode of all time, and that nine plus 17 equals a whole lot more than 26.

I remember it being good, but I hadn't listened to it in a while.  So I put it on.  Man, it sure is good.  First off, my friend Liz had super smart things to say about the physiology of the brain, and about telling a therapist about experiences of abuse.  My ex Kacie said wicked smart stuff about the reality of dating an age player and how it has nothing to do with actual kids, really smart, direct stuff.  

And then there's Andrea.  Andrea was so amazing on this episode.  She just was everywhere in the show.  Everything anyone had to say, she had support for, or great contrasting opinions.  She was raw, honest, open, and fantastic.

We're recording an episode of the show this week about grief & loss, during which Andrea will figure largely.  And it's been bittersweet and challenging, getting myself ready, writing up the list of things we're going to discuss.

Listening to episode 17 this morning gave me the warmest feeling about Andrea.  Listening to her wise words, lovely dirty innuendo, and caring talk just made me feel so good.  

There's this one moment, when I'm talking about my confused feelings around face slapping, due to childhood trauma, and I say something funny in the midst of describing it all.  And Andrea wanted to laugh, so much.  And I said it was okay to laugh, and she did.

Even though she's gone, she's still here with me.  

#gratitudeNow: Mindful Breathing, a video reminder

Been ages since I posted a video blog.  It was time.  It's kind of always time.

#gratitudeNow: Here's the keys to your sexcar. Pump the gas. Mind the brakes.

I've got this friend, Nanny Grace.  She's a sex worker, a pro-domme Mommy.  She's thinky, fun, and kind.  We're relatively new friends, and lately have indulged in that glut of "get to know you" talk where we discuss anything and everything.

She introduced me to an idea about sexuality, the "dual-control" model of sexual response.  Basically, it works like this:

Some things get you going, like pressing a gas pedal.  Other things hold you back, like a brake pedal.

What sort of things? All sorts of things.  Physical condition, social context, self-image, emotional well-being, the list goes on and on and on.  So, what it's like a math problem?  Gee thanks, Mako, you've reduced my getting off to an algebra problem.  

No, no, I swear it's not that bad.  Even though it seems overwhelming, clinical and awful, there's a hidden secret yet effective way to get on top of your sexual response.

Just ask Emily Nagorski.

Who?  I'm glad you asked.  She's a researcher, author and speaker who my friend Grace introduced me to.  Watch this.  It's going to be among the most useful, important 17 minutes or so of your life.  The basic premise is, context matters.

When you like yourself, when you recognize how awesome your body is, and all the different ways you have to use it to get off, and how good a thing that is, you stomp that gas pedal in your underpants hard.

Thanks, Grace.

#gratitudeNow: The Write Type

So, one of the reasons I started my patreon back in November was to stoke my creative engine.

It is so working.

This morning I set up a poll over at the patreon for patrons to pick from 1 of 3 options this month for the second of two fiction projects I'll be putting out this month.  My new novel is moving along nicely, and I've got neurons firing in so many different directions.  I've got some old characters doing new things, and new characters exploring brand new areas I've not written about before.

Plus, I use the amazing art my illustrator Jenn does, and the narration that Suzie Jenkins and I do, to make these sort of Reading Rainbow style movies now.

On top of all that, the creativity is bleeding over into other areas of my life.  I'm feeling reinvigorated in the coding I'm doing for my side business.  New projects I'm about to embark on in my day job are exciting and invigorating to me.  We've begun recording the Big Little Podcast again on a more regular schedule.

I feel so very, very ON.  

This morning I was up 15 minutes before my alarm clock, thinking about all the irons I have in the fire, not overwhelmed by it, but stirred up.  I love being a creative person.  I love connecting with that urge to make new things.  It's a vital, valuable part of my life.

I'm so grateful.