I've got this friend, Nanny Grace. She's a sex worker, a pro-domme Mommy. She's thinky, fun, and kind. We're relatively new friends, and lately have indulged in that glut of "get to know you" talk where we discuss anything and everything.
She introduced me to an idea about sexuality, the "dual-control" model of sexual response. Basically, it works like this:
Some things get you going, like pressing a gas pedal. Other things hold you back, like a brake pedal.
What sort of things? All sorts of things. Physical condition, social context, self-image, emotional well-being, the list goes on and on and on. So, what it's like a math problem? Gee thanks, Mako, you've reduced my getting off to an algebra problem.
No, no, I swear it's not that bad. Even though it seems overwhelming, clinical and awful, there's a hidden secret yet effective way to get on top of your sexual response.
Just ask Emily Nagorski.
Who? I'm glad you asked. She's a researcher, author and speaker who my friend Grace introduced me to. Watch this. It's going to be among the most useful, important 17 minutes or so of your life. The basic premise is, context matters.
When you like yourself, when you recognize how awesome your body is, and all the different ways you have to use it to get off, and how good a thing that is, you stomp that gas pedal in your underpants hard.
Thanks, Grace.