Words fail me.
I was telling my friend Moliére last night that I'm feeling particularly blessed lately. My relationships are great with my partners, things are going well at my day job, I've got not one but two side projects going, one I'm actively working on now, and the other I've got plans in the works to begin writing code for this summer.
All this activity and goodness does come with a price: I'm really busy. I don't watch much television these days, take rare breaks for the occasional video game, and I have to watch my time management like a hawk.
It's not a code problem.. it's an opportunity to learn to do it better.
Case in point: So this morning I'm working on the prototype for my business, which I just decided I will call Project Drummond here in the blog. I started working around 7:30, and felt my creative juices really kick in about 15 minutes later. I begin creating a new javascript library, refactor a function I used on a previous page to be more flexible, create a new controller action, realize I need to customize a modal before I can proceed further, and begin doing that, and then.. WHAM.
I realize I'm basically out of time to keep going this morning. Why?
Here's the scoop - I can't not do this, if I want to be able to sit.
Well, first of all, one of my household chores is to clean my cats litter box every single day. It keeps them happy and healthy, makes the downstairs/guest/cat bathroom a pleasant room to be in, and prevents the dreaded "angry-cat-potty-elsewhere non-accident." I typically do that just before I get out the door.
I let that go some the past few days, and got a right hard spanking for it, which I well deserved.
Sitting in traffic is total shit.
Second, while I'm fortunate that my day job is pretty flexible about my time, and lets me set my own schedule, work variable days, blah blah blah, there's still this other shit I have to deal with: traffic. It's pretty bad around here, and if I don't want it to eat my day, I have to get on the road, really, no later than 9:30am to have a decently scheduled day.
As I was lamenting this first-world-not-a-terrible-problem problem of mine, I got a nice big gratitude epiphany, like a lightning bolt. These are wonderful problems to have. I have to juggle taking care of my delightful cats, living up to the responsibilities my loving and discipline minded Mommy and Aunty set for me, so I can have the energy to go to my really terrific job, while balancing the work of my very promising side business.
It's not like I'm crawling on my hands and knees over broken glass for thirty miles to get a dixie cup of water to bring back to the village, so they can water our one remaining Yak.
Yes, dealing with shit like litter (actual shit), and traffic (shitty), and time being a finite quantity (shitty truth) are difficult, but they're great difficulties to have.
I'm grateful.
This past weekend I was at a conference in Baltimore. I actually went to college there, got my first real job there, and lots of other big life firsts.
One of those big firsts was discovering the BDSM scene. I joined the Phoenix Society, a local play and education group.
Phoenix was a HUGE part of my life. I used to basically live there on weekends. I threw myself into trying new things with vigor and wild abandon. My first night there, the educational session was about spanking. They needed a demo bottom. I volunteered, and minutes later jumped out of my clothes and onto a stage in front of about 30 people.
They used to call me "slut boy", because I seemed to be up for anything.
After a year or so there, I even volunteered to be their membership chair. And I started to host a munch of sorts for people going to the party at the club on any given Saturday to have dinner together.
I called it the "Pre-Beating Meeting Seating for Eating."
Phoenix is long gone, vanished into the dust of memory. However, the very funky, ageplay friendly restaurant where we held the PBMSFE, that's still there.
It's called the Paper Moon Diner. I took my good friend Moliére there for breakfast on Saturday, because we had an errand nearby to do.
It was like stepping back in time. I remember when the 'moon was brand-new. The same crazy, bohemian vibe is still there. There's a huge collection of pez dispensers on one wall. Toys hang from the ceiling. The place has vegetarian options, and foodie sensibilities.
We ordered our breakfast and when it came it was as good as ever. My brioche French toast came with only one side, but the very best kind: dozens of memories.
I texted my old friend Nullmoniker, who used to go there with me all the time, and we savored the shared memories even as I told some of them to Moliére.
Sometimes I forget that my life is rich with history. It's good to get these reminders.
Whew, what a morning.
So I got out the door later than I wanted, and thought to myself, "all right, it's too late for the gym, but I can ride the express lanes and get to work early, and that'll work out just fine."
Not so much.
First, traffic was INSANE. So much so that the variable toll lanes were really expensive. I saw tolls for $14, $15, and then $15. I ended up paying somewhere between $35 - $55.
Yes, really.
To add insult to injury, something went really bad on the trip, some accident I didn't see, or major police thing. My normally 35 minute commute (when I do it after 9), turned into a 90 minute one.
Ugh.
However, I got to have this really nice long call with Squee. She totally got me laughing, and aware that I had options for how I felt, and that I could be present, stay. I didn't have to spend the ride feeling angry, or sorry for myself, or any of that silly crap.
So, I resolved not to dwell on it. Then, when I finally did get to my office, I bopped on down to the deli and picked myself up a nice cup of fancy coffee, and a bagel with lox. So good.
And, the whole experience taught me something. It's really okay to use my time the way I feel I should. That means waking up at 5, hopping (or stepping carefully, because safety) out of bed, going downstairs, spending an hour working on my side-project, then getting out of my night-time diaper, grabbing a shower (slippery little buggers), and heading for the gym to walk, run, or swim.
THEN I can get on my way to work, and get there AFTER nine. That's not only okay, it's SENSIBLE, and mindful.
Best $50 I have spent recently.
Richard came up today to help us pick up a china cabinet we bought. After we moved it, and had some breakfast, he's stayed over for a while. Right now, as I'm writing this, he's on Mommy's lap, on the couch, snoring peacefully, as she and I watch Moana. She (Mommy, not Moana) is stroking his forehead, and cuddling him, and it's got me feeling all warm inside.
I love him. Missy loves him. I love that she does. His spending time with us is making me very happy.
