#365Gratitude Day 236:Knife behavior

When I was in college, I was mugged at gunpoint. It was a horribly traumatic experience. I was pretty scarred by it after it happened. A few days later the cops found my wallet and ID in a garbage can downtown.

There's a funny story I tell about the really weird things I ​had to do to get it back.  Ask me about it, I'll tell you sometime. 

It's been 26 years since that happened to me, and the trauma has long since passed, leaving me with just a funny story and a better sense of how to move about a dangerous neighborhood at night.

​Until just now. 

I saw this video a friend of mine posted to Facebook.

It got me thinking about the man who attacked me.

How it went down for Julio Diaz isn't how it went with my guy. My guy put his hands in my pockets until he got my wallet, then told me to count out loud, loudly, to 100, and not move unless I wanted to die.  

Yeah, not great. I was too busy counting and crying to really get a good look at him.

I don't remember much about him. He was black and shorter than me. I remember at the time thinking the cold, hard end of his gun poking me in the side made our height difference utterly irrelevant. 

I can't tell you what he was wearing, or really even what he looked like beyond those scant details.  

I remember that night though. It was cold. My breath steamed in front of me as I walked down the street at 2 am. 

What was I doing walking down the street at 2 am?  It doesn't matter, it was a stupid bad choice.  

But I'm left wondering, what was he doing walking down the street at that time of night too?

Sure, you don't just walk around with a gun in your pocket on the off chance you might get to mug a dumb college kid.  

Sure, I was hunted . 

But what drives a person to hunt another person?  How desperate must you be? 

I feel kind of like those shark attack survivors who turned to advocate for sharks afterward.  Seriously, that's a real thing. 

I haven't thought about my mugger (what a weird thing to say) in years. And before today, I don't think I ever truly made the connection to see him as a person. 

I'm glad I did.  

It's got me wondering what I can do to help folks like him now.  

#365Gratitude Day 235: Approximately 975 +/- 0

This morning I went to the gym, and afterward stopped by my new most favorite and least favorite grocery store.

It's my most favorite because it's really clean, nice, modern, and has all kinds of good stuff, including vegetarian corn dogs, and strawberry wine.  (Both are great, but typically I don't eat them together.)

It's my least favorite because of one overwhelming thing.  When you first walk into the store you are overwhelmed by a vast, pleasant, but very enticing aroma of fresh donuts.  That's because at the back of the store they have a display of around 975 freshly baked donuts.

I know, because I counted.  Well, estimated.

Food is one of my self-soothing mechanisms.  I had that revelation just the other day as I was listening to The Power of Vulnerability.  It struck me, all at once, that in social situations where I'm dealing with lots of folks I don't know, or have to manage being in a crowded space (something I intensely dislike), I often busy myself with the food there, as a "thing-to-do" and a way to sublimate awkward feelings.

It's really on my radar since then.  I'm not shaming myself about it, just paying attention.

So, I was super proud of myself for smelling the lovely, terrible smell of the donuts, and then walking past them and not getting one, because I wasn't really hungry, and didn't really need it.

#365Gratitude Day 234:The cuddle after the storm

Saturday was a hugely busy day.  Missy, Maya, and I got breakfast out, painted pottery, Pokemon Went (the past tense of Pokemon Go) all over old town Alexandria, had dinner in an Irish pub, got ice cream, and then drove home. 

Whew. I'm tired just thinking about it.  

Sunday was much more sedate, because at a certain point we knew Maya was going to have to go home. (Just regular go, not Pokemon).  

One thing we did do is cuddle. Just lay on one another and talk. So good.  

Cuddling is a Very Big Deal™ for me. Touch is a major love language of mine. I crave affectionate touch.  

So we did. And talked about each other, and our relationship, and how we're doing, and just kinda basked in how much we care about one another.  

It was wonderful.  

#365Gratitude Day 233:Polysaturated Breakfast

This was our breakfast.  

By our, I mean my wife Missy, my girlfriend Maya, and me.  

She's here for a visit. I was telling my other girlfriend, Squee about how awesome Maya's visit is going and she was so happy for me she squeed. (Hence the name. :) ) 

I don't say this to show off. Being poly isn't better than being monogamous. It isn't worse. It's just different and often rather complicated. 

I love my partners. They are great. They love me.  They love Missy. We make a unique sort of family.

I have so much love in my life. I'm grateful for it. 

#365Gratitude Day 232:Buoyed at a distance

I swam at the gym yesterday.  

I totally  was going to skip it. But I didn't. You know why?  Because my girlfriend/auntie Squee wouldn't let me.  

That's my gym bag, and towel, as I pulled them from the car

She totally, gently, firmly coaxed me out of bed as we chitchatted on our phones/over Skype as we do most every morning. 

I didn't want to let her down. So I got myself going.  

There's this amazing thing happening in my family.  

Missy loves Squee. Squee loves Missy.  They both love me. We are all supporting one another, in all sorts of ways. We cheer each other's victories, offer empathy to one another's troubles.  

And it's not just about the three of us. We each are fully dialed in to the other relationships that are a part of our family web.  

I feel like I have leveled up my polyamory. I understand it better, am more mindful about it. 

I have so much love in my life. It's going swimmingly.