#365Gratitude Day 7: Helping

So I've missed two trains so far this morning.  It's been totally worth it.  Why?  Because around 6am, I got a direct message from a friend on twitter.  They needed my help.  The particular what that my friend needed doesn't matter, and it's private.  But they were struggling with their feelings, their decisions, their perspective.  

So they sought me out.

We tweeted back and forth until I had to take my shower, and then as soon as that was done, we got on the phone.  

First train missed.

While I was on the phone with friend 1, a second friend texted me, struggling with their own heavy thoughts about their own heavy issue.  I texted with them at the same time as I talked to my first friend!  (Who says I can't multitask?) Eventually though, I got my first friend in a good place about their feelings and actions, hung up with them, and got on with my second friend.

Second train missed.  

Didn't matter.  We talked for a while, and I helped them get to a better place about their stuff.  As I'm writing this, I'm working myself right out of missing a third train.

Still doesn't matter.  (There's a last train I can catch, so that's okay - or I might even drive.)

Why none of this matters is because of something I know, something about me.  Helping others is a large part of what makes life worth living, to me.  It's part of my purpose, part of my meaning.  

I helped raise my first wife's son from her previous marriage for around 8 years.  I loved helping him learn to read.  I took great joy in taking care of him.  We did homework together.  He had a horrible relationship with his biological father at the time.  I made it a priority to be the best stepdad I could be.  It made me very happy to do so.  

This stuff this morning, it's the same.  Helping others is part of my root meaning for living.

There's a school of therapy that resonates strongly with me because of these ideas.  It's called logotherapy.  It was developed by an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist named Viktor Frankl.  I learned of it from his book, Man's Search for Meaning.  (Do read it.)  

The basic concept behind it is that the primary motivational force of an individual is to find a meaning in their life. It has some basic tenets too.  Life has meaning, no matter how bad one's life is.  Subconsciously, our driving purpose is finding that meaning.  We have the freedom, power, and choice to find our life's meaning in the things we do, experience, and even suffer.  

In his book, Frankl said how we go about discovering our meaning:

"We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways:
(1) by creating a work or doing a deed;
(2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and
(3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering"

Furthermore he added that "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances"

THAT is why it doesn't matter that I missed a few trains, or that I'm going to wind up working out for lunch.  Because I know, in my heart, that being of service to others when and where I can is one of the defining meanings of my life.  I'm grateful for it.

#365Gratitude Day 6: A warm coat & hat on a snowy day...and a warmth within

I'm wearing the new hat Rachel made for me for Christmas, along with a very warm coat I bought myself more than a decade ago. 

That's a good thing, too, because it's snowing today. 

As I drove to the station today, my car's brakes slipped once in the snow, and I had to gently tap them to come to a stop at an intersection. 

I made it to the station in time to catch the train without having to run for it.

The wind was cold, and the sky dim and bleak.  A long distance train came rushing down the tracks, blowing enormous clouds of windswept snow along in its wake. 

I was glad for my coat, glad for my hat, glad I had arrived there safe, glad I was going to make the train.  

All that gratitude made me happy.  

That's the funny thing about gratitude. I used to think you felt gratitude when you were happy. But it's actually the other way around.  

There's actually research that this is so. Brother David Steindl-rast, a Swiss Benedictine monk and interfaith scholar is part of a project doing that research.  

I'm grateful I know about the research, and what it means to me, personally. It keeps me as warm inside as this coat and hat do, outside. 

365 miles: 6.5 miles

Swam again tonight, for 45 minutes.  

That was a good burn. There's this thing that always happens to me after I exercise, but especially  after swimming. My vision becomes super sharp for a little while. I love that feeling.  

It's like the real world equivalent of getting a power-up in a video game.  

#365Gratitude Day 5: Seeing something funnie

One of the things I really love about being an age player is how we often repurpose the stuff of childhood for our own amusement.  

Being an adult who hasn't put aside childlike things isn't exclusively the province of ageplay either. There's a growing social trend called being a rejuvenile, coined by the author Christopher Nox in a book by the same name.  (I haven't read it yet, but mean to.). Rejuveniles like very many of the same things they liked as kids, and which many ageplayers like, too. 

That's good news for me. It shows up in some odd places, too. Just this morning as I was waiting for my train, I saw some very interesting graffiti on the side of a tanker train. 

It took me a second, but I realized I knew that purple beret and sunglasses wearing redhead. It's none other than Judy Funnie, sister to the title character of the cartoon Doug. 

I love that stuff like this happens. It's like the whole world is in on the gag that I'm not entirely a grownup. 

Maybe no one is.  

#365Gratitude Day 4: Homework

I'm sure you've all seen this little chestnut before.  It is true, as I get older I do like taking naps, and getting spanked.

I also enjoy having homework.  Typically, this is homework I wind up giving myself.  I have homework primarily in two big areas: philosophy, and technology.  

I'm a huge fan of the philosophers, authors, and speakers Pema Chödrön and Alan Watts. I frequently listen to Alan Watts lectures when I swim, or run.  I also love Pema's book When Things Fall Apart, which I recommend anyone and everyone read. 

Today's been a day of technical homework for me.  I've been learning about the Twitter Bootstrap framework, because I want to use it for a personal technical project, a behavior management tool for kinky people in general, and age players in particular.  It's awesome.  It makes for super clean, pretty, and functional front ends.  

I'm a big fan of having my ends clean, after all.

I started out this morning digging into a twitter bootstrap course I bought, but then stopped to watch a presentation about it, from a Grails developer.  This one, if you're so inclined.  Watching the presentation was terrific.  I came up with a lot of good questions and ideas, and I'm really looking forward to experimenting with the technology, just for the sheer fun of it.  Part of why this is all so great for me is that it's not just the eventual end product of this all that's good, but the journey along the way.  I love being creative, love learning, and love stretching myself.

I'm grateful for my homework.