#365Gratitude Day 244: Basic Needs

We went out today, and saw Guardians of the Galaxy.   (It's totally great, by the way, you should see it.  It was my 2nd time and I loved it.)  After I dropped Missy, my sister-in-law, and our friend Rachel off, I went to go look for a parking space.

The place was a mob scene.  I cruised around for like 15 minutes trying to find a space, and fighting traffic to get one.  I saw spots open up, only to watch them get claimed minutes later, before I could negotiate the busy lot to reach them.

It was pretty damn annoying.

After the movie, we went to a supermarket, to get a few things, and it was the same deal.  Navigating inside the store was so annoying.  

I got kind of cranky about it.  Although, I didn't say a word to anyone.

As I mentioned in previous entries, I'm squarely focused on compassion in my meditation and contemplation these days.  That's why, when I realized what a whiny crybaby I was being about all this, I didn't bitch slap myself too hard.

Getting cranky over a problem finding parking at a mall is just... shallow.  There are people who don't have shelter, food, water, proper clothing, or the means to educate themselves.

There's this joking hashtag on twitter, #firstworldproblems about exactly this sort of thing.

I've written tweets in that hashtag.  I've found tweets by others to be funny.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that these sorts of jokes are so offensive that we shouldn't say them.  I'm also not saying that a crowded mall parking lot isn't really annoying.

I'm saying that sometimes, when I pull my head out of my ass, I can see exactly how much privilege I have.

I'm grateful for it.  So much so, that I decided to do something to help others with less privilege than I, and just set up a Kiva loan.  What's that?  Here, look:

#365Gratitude Day 243: Painting pottery

Missy, Rachel, and I went out pottery painting today.  It's something we do every so often. I love it because it's creative, childlike, yet sophisticated too. 

I made bowls for the cats. 

Rachel made a fancy bowl. 

Missy made a Twilight Apple coin bank. 

I can't wait to see how they come out!

#365Gratitude Day 242: Compassion, it's a thing

I've written before about Taoism's three treasures.  

• Compassion
• Simplicity
• Humility

Today it's the first one, Compassion that's on my mind.  Compassion is harder than it looks.

T'zu, or cí, compassion

That's literally true, for an english speaking Taoist like me.  There's the kanji for it.  It's pronounced "t'zu" - in the phrase "it's a thing" - it's the " 'ts a" part, pronounced as one word.

T'zu means kindness, compassion, and motherliness, in Chinese.  It's that state of loving gently, and purposefully.  It's the sort of love that wants the best, and will patiently guide someone towards success.  

The trick is, compassion means having that love for others, but also for oneself.

That is hard.  

I have a daily practice of meditation and contemplation. Each day I spend time considering some philosophical, emotional, or ethical issue. Sometimes I'll work on the same thing for days at a time.  

5 years ago I spent 18 months on compassion. It was grueling.  Probably the biggest thing I got out of it was the realization that while compassion for others is hard, it's a damn cakewalk compared to compassion for oneself. What's more you have to have it for you, before you can have it for anyone else.   

I was so glad when I got to put that contemplation behind me.  

But I spoke too soon. Five years later, and I find myself striving again. I strive to be thinner, to acheive mastery of certain technologies for work, to acheive without stretching myself too thin, to nurture my relationships, to progress as an author.  

None of these things are bad goals to have. Having goals isn't the issue.  But I do catch myself self-shaming about my progress, commitment, and conviction.  

Which of course, is no help at all.  I lamented to my friend Andrea the other day that it looked like I was back in compassion school again, and how very little I wanted to be. 

She gently chided me, reminding me to stop letting expectation get in my way, and just get to it. 

I'm grateful to her, for reminding me of the truth. I'm worthy of my own love. 

#365Gratitude Day 241: Flexible plans

Missy and I were going to go out of town to visit my partner Pene and her husband J, who we dearly love.  

But sadly they came down with the Bolivian Death Flu or something around 4am. 

While we were both sad about it, Missy and I decided to turn tonight into a date night. We went out for dinner, and then went portal hunting. 

And I leveled.  

I'm grateful for our flexibility.  It helps us turn misfortune into good times.  

#365Gratitude Day 240: Valentalae

Valentalae is on my mind today.  Why?  Because yesterday was her birthday.  Also because I gave her a present for it, which I'm now also giving to you.  It's a new Concerning Littleton story, called Different Tastes.

On the page for it, you can read all sorts of reasons I admire Vee.  But I wanted to take a moment, separately, here in my blog to just say how very lucky I am to have her in my life, in my family.

Vee is a loving, wonderful person.  She's delightfully dirty, in many of the same ways that I am.  She's smart, and loves to mentally dissect things in the same way that I do.  Even though we live on different sides of the country, we've always got our noses in one another's business.  

Yes, that kind of business, too.  

A while ago, we admitted to one another that we love each other.  Let me tell you, when Valentalae loves you, she does it full-tilt-boogie.  Her love is not something easily come by, but is very worth having.  She'd do anything for me.  (Or likely, to me, which is also great!)  I'd do anything for her, too.  

I'm grateful for her.