#365Gratitude Day 235: Approximately 975 +/- 0

This morning I went to the gym, and afterward stopped by my new most favorite and least favorite grocery store.

It's my most favorite because it's really clean, nice, modern, and has all kinds of good stuff, including vegetarian corn dogs, and strawberry wine.  (Both are great, but typically I don't eat them together.)

It's my least favorite because of one overwhelming thing.  When you first walk into the store you are overwhelmed by a vast, pleasant, but very enticing aroma of fresh donuts.  That's because at the back of the store they have a display of around 975 freshly baked donuts.

I know, because I counted.  Well, estimated.

Food is one of my self-soothing mechanisms.  I had that revelation just the other day as I was listening to The Power of Vulnerability.  It struck me, all at once, that in social situations where I'm dealing with lots of folks I don't know, or have to manage being in a crowded space (something I intensely dislike), I often busy myself with the food there, as a "thing-to-do" and a way to sublimate awkward feelings.

It's really on my radar since then.  I'm not shaming myself about it, just paying attention.

So, I was super proud of myself for smelling the lovely, terrible smell of the donuts, and then walking past them and not getting one, because I wasn't really hungry, and didn't really need it.

#365Gratitude Day 234:The cuddle after the storm

Saturday was a hugely busy day.  Missy, Maya, and I got breakfast out, painted pottery, Pokemon Went (the past tense of Pokemon Go) all over old town Alexandria, had dinner in an Irish pub, got ice cream, and then drove home. 

Whew. I'm tired just thinking about it.  

Sunday was much more sedate, because at a certain point we knew Maya was going to have to go home. (Just regular go, not Pokemon).  

One thing we did do is cuddle. Just lay on one another and talk. So good.  

Cuddling is a Very Big Deal™ for me. Touch is a major love language of mine. I crave affectionate touch.  

So we did. And talked about each other, and our relationship, and how we're doing, and just kinda basked in how much we care about one another.  

It was wonderful.  

#365Gratitude Day 233:Polysaturated Breakfast

This was our breakfast.  

By our, I mean my wife Missy, my girlfriend Maya, and me.  

She's here for a visit. I was telling my other girlfriend, Squee about how awesome Maya's visit is going and she was so happy for me she squeed. (Hence the name. :) ) 

I don't say this to show off. Being poly isn't better than being monogamous. It isn't worse. It's just different and often rather complicated. 

I love my partners. They are great. They love me.  They love Missy. We make a unique sort of family.

I have so much love in my life. I'm grateful for it. 

#365Gratitude Day 232:Buoyed at a distance

I swam at the gym yesterday.  

I totally  was going to skip it. But I didn't. You know why?  Because my girlfriend/auntie Squee wouldn't let me.  

That's my gym bag, and towel, as I pulled them from the car

She totally, gently, firmly coaxed me out of bed as we chitchatted on our phones/over Skype as we do most every morning. 

I didn't want to let her down. So I got myself going.  

There's this amazing thing happening in my family.  

Missy loves Squee. Squee loves Missy.  They both love me. We are all supporting one another, in all sorts of ways. We cheer each other's victories, offer empathy to one another's troubles.  

And it's not just about the three of us. We each are fully dialed in to the other relationships that are a part of our family web.  

I feel like I have leveled up my polyamory. I understand it better, am more mindful about it. 

I have so much love in my life. It's going swimmingly.  

#365Gratitude Day 231:Oreos and Milkshakes

A close friend of mine got some awful news today.​  She texted me, asking if I wanted to have lunch, and shared said news.

I texted her back immediately​ and said I was going to get her a milkshake.​

When I first heard about it, my whole body thrummed like a high tension wire being hit with a baseball bat.  My stomach knotted.  My head pounded.  My empathy-flight-or-fight mechanism went off, hard.​

I'm a sensitive sort.​  At first I was going to say "sensitive snowflake", but then I corrected myself, because that's a value judgment, and a nasty one.

I've been listening to Brené Brown's The Power of Vulnerability lately, and learning a lot from it.​  One thing I've learned is that there's this social filter in place, especially in men, where we tend to see ourselves as either Viking or Victim.  

We're either winning or losing.  Champ or Chump.​

It's a toxic fucking lie, filled with shame and expectation.  

After a few minutes of calming my breathing, expressing my sorrow to loved ones about my friend's situation, I did some self-care of my own.  I went and got some Oreos from our company kitchen. 

Funny thing about that.  Another lesson I picked up from the book is often we are able to see and appreciate vulnerability and the need for self-care in others, but struggle to see it in ourselves. 

I'm super focused on this sort of stuff lately.  Part of leveraging my own vulnerability, part of living in a whole-hearted way is placing value on my own self-care.  Oreos might not be the most nutritionally healthy choice at the moment, but they were absolutely a good emotional choice. 

Now I feel armed to go help my friend.  I've got my empathy close at hand. 

It's going to go well with that milkshake.