#365Gratitude: Nothing doing

So, about two weeks ago, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died.  I wasn't a big fan of his.  But this isn't really about him.  

It's about me, and what I need to do about some scandal around his death.  What am I going to do about some people really celebrating it, while others insist he was somebody's something (father, brother, son, husband, whatever) and that glorying in a death is wrong?  What am I going to do about the uproar people are making around conservative politicians trying to block a new appointment by the president?  What am I going to do about all these very strong opinions and invective everyone's throwing around?

I know exactly what I'm going to do about it.

Nothing.

I don't have to do a thing.  Seriously.  Whether people glory or not, doesn't matter.  Whether people are upset that the conservative politicians block a new appointee?  Don't care.  

Let me be clear about what I mean though.  If a politician, for their agenda, blocks the president from doing their job, then they're most likely not a politician I'll be voting for when it's my time to vote if they stay or go.  There's no amount of shouting, or anger, or disagreement that will change that.  I just want them to do their job.  

Similarly, I'm okay that some people glory in his death.  I'm equally okay that others are horrified by this.  Why?  Because I don't need people to be any different for the world to be fine just the way it is.  

I'm aware of what actual action is, and what's just complaining.  Which sounds like I'm complaining about complaining.  

But I'm not, I swear.  

Every time something like this comes up, and the public catches on fire, and people want everyone to know what they think, it just furthers my own resolve that I don't need to be involved in that.  It's a taoist thing, called wei wu wei.  In english it's sometimes called "effortless action" or "the action of nonaction".

Here's maybe a better example about it.  I could fret really hard about whether the sun is going to come up again in the morning.  But I don't have to.  Odds are pretty good, it will.  And if a giant meteor hits the earth, or an alien spaceship hits the planet with a Spaghetti Ray, transforming us all into a savory pasta dish, well, then that's it, game over.  If the sun does not in fact come up tomorrow because of a cataclysmic incident, well then I'll make sure to do the thing I have to do - which is most likely, die.

So, I don't have stress out about it too much.

This isn't fatalism, or laziness, or resting on one's laurels.  I do have my politics, I do vote, I do try to do positive action to make positive changes in the world.  But I also know that I don't know everything, and that I really have no idea how things are going to turn out.  So I'll just hang on, stay present, and do my best.

I'm really grateful for that.  It saves me a lot of grief.

#365Gratitude: Baconope

The other day we went out for burgers and a movie.  By a movie, I mean The Revenant (which was amazing, and awful, and awfully amazing), and by a burger, in my case, I mean a salmon burger, because I don't eat meat anymore, but still eat fish.

After I polished off my grilled asparagus, because grilled asparagus, Missy offered me some of her fries.

As it happens, my favorite kind of french fries is Missy's fries.

Except these fries, somehow, by accident, wound up having a tiny piece of bacon in them.  I didn't even think it was bacon at first.  It looked like a like crispy fry bit.  So I popped it in my mouth, chewed it, swallowed it.

Only as I was already chewing it, and in mid-swallow, did I realize what it was.

I used to like bacon.  I wasn't some sort of bacon-maniac, but I did enjoy it.  A fellow vegetarian friend of mine told me once that after they'd stopped eating meat, on the few occasions when they had had it again, it didn't taste good to them.  They described it as tasting sort of dirty.  Not dirty like illicitly forbidden, but dirty like, has-mud-on-it.

I don't know if that was how I'd describe that little bit of bacon, but I can tell you this - I didn't like it.

I found that really surprising, and kind of validating.  I've lost the taste for it.  I'm kind of glad.

#365Gratitude: Never give up...

Last Friday I was working from home, and just stuck on something.  It was related to a javascript function, and the particulars of what I was trying to do and why it wouldn't work don't really matter.

What matters is that I got my teeth into it.

I refused to be denied.  So I dug in, researched the problem, and plowed on through.  I ate an almost afterthought lunch, sat at my desk, and just ground through the problem.  I would not be denied.

Other plans I had for my day fell clean off the table.  

Eventually, I had a breakthrough.  I figured it out.  And then, implemented my change everywhere throughout the system.  I wound up working late to get it just right.

It felt damn good.

#365Gratitude: Exceeds Expectations

So Missy texts me from work the other day.  She was nervous about getting her annual review that day.

I told her that she had nothing to worry about, that she was all that and a bag of chips, the greatest, awesome, free ice cream on a surprise day off, that sort of thing.

Not to be one of those people who likes to say "I told you so." but in this case, totally being that guy.  So happy for her!

#365Gratitude: Anger management

No, not like the movie.  The other day I had something make me blindingly  mad. 

I know it seems like I never get angry. It's not true. What it was doesn't even matter. What does matter is how I dealt with it.  

I suffered.  

Then I bought myself breakfast, and while I sat eating it, I caught up a few blog entries, and moved on to thinking about something else, and noticed after how much better I felt.

I want to say that again, because it bears some repeating.  I didn't stop being angry and then write some blog posts. It was just the opposite. 

Ok, so what? Why am I telling you  this? It's not even a little bit to tell you what to do.

It's because after-the-fact I was absolutely gob smacked at how it went down.  Every once in a while I'm fortunate to see in high relief  a thing I believe happen so clearly  to me, for me, by my own actions. 

Getting so mad sucked. But moving through it and transcending it felt amazing!