I was looking at a friend’s Facebook this morning, and stumbled across a cartoon on it that pushed some buttons of mine, in a mostly (not entirely) good way.
One of the things I have spent a lot of time considering in my meditation and contemplation has to do with chasing others.
That is, chasing people for anything. For example for love, sex, affection, attention, validation, time, or help. I try my level best to not do it, and when I do do it, I compassionately remind myself to stop. When I saw this cartoon some things about chasing and the buddhist concept of maitri finally clicked together for me.
Maitri is loving kindness towards all, including oneself.
And when you have it, when you do it, when you live it, you can embrace a powerful truth about the world. That truth is that when you put another’s love for you before your own love for you, you do yourself and them grave disservices.
In your own case, you deprive yourself of calm and peace that would otherwise always be available to you.
With others, you create a kind of non-consensual dependency upon them. People have all sorts of reasons why they don’t have it to give back when you love and need them.
Some of these reasons are frailties of the human condition. They’re stretched too thin, they’re depressed, they’re sick, all sorts of things.
Some are not. And aren’t very nice.
But neither of those things matter. There’s a favorite quote of mine:
“Love is knowing I am everything and everyone. Wisdom is knowing I am nothing and no one. Between these two poles my life moves.”
When you can love yourself first, and enjoy the love given you without needing it, you understand the truth.
You are not the main character in the story. There is no main character.
It’s not about you.