So a big part of my mindful practice is a focus on growth. Every single day of my life I consider who I am as a person, what I do, why I do it, and how.
I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes I can be self-centered, sometimes oblivious. But I’m compassionate about it. I recognize that I’m a frail, imperfect human creature. Like everyone.
And that fills me with love and compassion for myself, and for every other person, too.
Which brings me to tonight.
So, I’m coding away on WeMinder, working like a demon trying to get the last 3% or so of it done before release. And I make this HUGE breakthrough, hit a big milestone. I save the code, commit it, and have a moment of blissful relief.
And I’m exhausted, so very tired. But I’m also keyed up. So I go online, to a discord I like, and chat a bit.
One of the chatters, someone I’ve never talked to before, asks “Can someone talk please?”
To which I responded, “Sure, for a few minutes.”
Then we got into it. I won’t get into details, because privacy. But he was nervous about something big, and worried how it was going to go.
I dropped some mindful taoism on him. Showed him one of my favorite zen story videos ever, and gave him my favorite zen piece of music ever.
And he was, absolutely, 100% soothed, and had his despair judo-flipped to a place of calm, enlightened, peace.
He thanked me.
But I’m just as thankful.
Because it’s in these moments that I can see myself for who I am. I can be incredibly hard on myself. I have a terrible case of the “type a’s”. I always think I can do more, be better, do it faster, improve. I so rarely allow myself rest, or imperfection.
But it’s after these sorts of experiences I can cut myself a break. Who am I? I’m the sort of guy who always manages to eke out a few minutes for people in need, and who recognizes that we’re all in this together.
I love who I am.