I was catching up....
with an old friend, M. today. She's an ageplayer too, wears diapers, wants spankings, all that stuff. You know, just a regular person.
Anyhow, we were talking about the podcast, and my coaching practice, going to kink events,and the pride symbol. I confided in my friend that I'm sort of "semi-retired" from the whole thing.
I can count on one hand the number of shows we've recorded in the past six months. I haven't actively had any coaching clients in over a year. I go to the occasional munch, but not with any sort of regularity. I'm in the middle of writing a 3rd novel, but it's on an indefinite hold while I work on other things.
So many of the things I do, by which I define myself, have really changed.
On the other hand, some things have remained, even grown. I'm still kinky, still poly, still an ageplayer.
I've just shifted some priorities around. I have been hard at work at creating a business for about a year now.
My relationships are strong and good, evolving along with me. In my day job, I'm technically challenged and actively growing each and every day.
The thing that struck me as I was talking with my friend about this was that my identity, my sense-of-self is really rather fluid. I'm on the move, striking out in new directions.
When I was a kid, my dad once said that success in life was like a vector in physics. You pick a direction, and head towards it, at speed. If it stops working for you, or your circumstances change, you pick a new direction, change course, and keep right on going.
It also strikes me that that sort of mindfulness is a bit like the matter shift water does. When water's cold, it freezes into the shape of its container. But when things heat it up melts down and begins to flow into the shape that matches where it is.
I find that applying to me more and more these days. I'm actively melting down and finding a new shape for who I am and what I do.
I'm grateful for it.