#gratitudeNow: Don't mind beginning

There’s a zen buddhist concept called shoshin, “beginner’s mind.” It’s the idea of approaching anything you do as if you were a beginner. You throw away your pre-conceived notions about how things should be, or even are, and look with fresh eyes on what you’re doing.

I try really hard to practice shoshin, in many things I do.

Lately, with the events of the coronavirus pandemic, it’s become even more important. My day job is letting me, honestly making me, work remotely full time now. I’m super grateful for that. I know lots of people aren’t so fortunate.

Even with that good fortune, I have been wigging out some. It’s pretty easy to get flustered, and then feel a sense of foreboding, dread, and despair at what’s going on. The latest I heard from the CDC is that they recommend not being in any groups larger than 10 people. And that that recommendation and the social distancing isolation we’re practicing is going to be in effect for at least the next two months. I saw a press conference yesterday saying that it’s likely to go far longer than that, into the late summer.

I hear this stuff, and I feel this awful specter of loss. “It’s bad, and it’s going to get worse,” that voice says to me. Not a great feeling.

But then I remember my practice, and it’s helpful. I resolve to be present for how things are. So, I’ve been working remotely and doing a good job of it. I’ve had lots of quality time to spend with Missy as she recovers from a recent surgery. I’m determined to use the time to do some things that need doing, and to enjoy the parts that are enjoyable.

Every day, I reboot myself, emotionally, determined to not get swept up in despair. Yes, this is a hard time for the world, and for us all. It’s a conscious practice to sweep the table clean, and start over like this.

It’s definitely helping me.

#gratitudeNow: Being there for her

I frequently say that my wife Missy is the yin to my yang, the jelly to my peanut butter. We go together like peas and carrots.

This manifests in a number of ways. She’s my adventure buddy. We travel interesting places, dig into nerdy interests together, and love long car trips.

And she’s a constant cheerleader for me, in the many things I do.

All of that is wonderful.

But there’s another aspect to this that’s super important too. I get to be there for her. I’m one of the two people she trusts the most in the world. Today she had some surgery (she’s fine, don’t worry!) and I’ve spent the day doing that husbandly support crew thing for her.

I bundled her into the car, and drove her over. I sat with her sister (that would be the other person she trusts most in the world) in the waiting room. After she got into recovery we went back to see her.

When we first walked back into the recovery room and she saw us, she smiled widely. I knew her surgery was going to go well, her doctor is great, the statistics on this sort of stuff are known. Didn’t matter. That smile warmed me head to toe like a hot cocoa after hours of shoveling snow.

I’m still with her now, in her hospital room, doing the many and varied little comfort chores that are making her stay a bit more human. We took a walk around the unit a bit ago. She’s tapping away on her cell phone as I sit and write this. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and nothing else I’d rather be doing. Seeing her safe and cared for, helping to make it so, is so joyful to me.

I’m grateful I get to be there as her adventure buddy even for the tough adventures.

#gratitudeNow: Trafficking in Friends … and magic.

So the other day my friend Matti messaged me. He had a whole lot of good news to share. As you can see we made our plans to catch up during our commutes.

And yesterday, we did. It was glorious. I adore Matti, he’s a funny, sweet, caring and passionate guy.

He shared his good news, and I shared some of my own and it was just great.

The 75 minute of my commute just flew by, and as I pulled up into my driveway I found myself actually lamenting the end of the trip.

Which got me thinking.

I have a few pictures which I carry on my phone, a picture, and look at just about daily.

This one in particular is relevant.

A Dalai Lama quote, atop a picture of the earth. “Look at situations from all angles, and you will become more open.”

This speaks to one of the more hard to grasp aspects of mindful practice. When I’m being mindful, in and with the moment, I’m calm yet also at attention. Which means I can see possibilities in circumstances. I can transform a long commute into an opportunity to connect. I can put aside frustration with traffic and embrace time well spent.

I recognize this feeling. I’ve had it when running, when writing code, when cooking. It’s that feeling of being on, or in the zone. It’s being attentive without being anxious, while simultaneously being calm without being passive.

It’s magical.

I often make this kind of dark joke about how once you commence a mindful practice you don’t have to do it forever… just until you’re dead. Haha, lifelong obligation until demise Hoo, funny stuff.

But today I’m seeing something else. That feeling when I witness myself embracing the practice without judgment, and also without undue celebration, is powerful.

“Ah,” I say to myself, subconsciously, “once again, I begin my practice anew.”

That is not a burden. It is one of my life’s greatest joys.

#gratitudeNow: Face time together

That’s my brother Spacey.
I love him.

We aren’t biologically brothers. We are family by choice. And have been for decades.

We talk every week, often by phone, many times by video call. We see each other in person as often as we can, which is never enough for either of us.

We are just there for each other in our lives. Our relationship is one of the most enduring and important ones in my life.

We celebrate each other’s victories, help one another plan and sound out things, act as willing and enthusiastic navigators for each other, and soothe each other’s pains.

One of the amazing things about our long relationship is that we have developed patterns, rituals, and a sort of private history.

In this artsy filtered picture of my brother you can see one of them. He loves to FaceTime with me while he holds his phone and walks around his house. He’ll do these conversational laps as we dig into something. Or I’ll just be present with him as he moves about his day, cooking a meal, doing a chore, or even going to the bathroom.

Yes, we listen to each other pee.

And that’s super intimate. But maybe not in the way you’re thinking. We just open to one another, and lay bare the contents of our innermost thoughts and feelings. We don’t have secrets or shame.

Compared to that, the sound of some urine hitting water is no big deal.

I’m grateful for my brother every single day. He’s a remarkable person, and my life is an order of magnitude better for his having been and continuing to be in it.

#gratitudeNow: Peanut Rescue

So Missy and I had a plan to go see Kevin and Kacie and their kiddos for Valentine’s Day. However, a nefarious circumstance put the trip in jeopardy. Kevin came down with the flu! (Boo.)

But Peanut and Chris who live not too far away, stepped up and came to the rescue, offering to host us for the weekend. (Yay!)

This is wonderful, because the whole lot of them are among our most favorite people, and we haven’t seen them in ages.

I’m so grateful for the chance to reconnect and spend time with people I care for so much. I just wish Kevin felt better. It’s frustrating knowing he’s so close by but sadly out of reach. :-( I guess that just means we have to come back more.