I’ve got the enry, got it bad.

That is, I’ve got New Relationship Energy, going with my new girlfriend, MJ.

I could (oh heck I am) gush to you about how she’s beautiful, smart, witty, and soooo sexual.  All true. But the thing I most appreciate about her is that we are firmly oriented toward one another.

I feel like she’s this fantastic book I can’t put down, and just need to stay up reading.  She’s told me repeatedly she feels the same way about me.  It’s this positive feedback loop of mutual admiration and exploration.  And, for the skeptical among you, it’s not all bubbles and sunshine. We explore our ouchy places, ways we’ve been hurt before, ways we have hurt others.  We are doing the deep dive.

And each and every time growing closer and getting happier about it. What we’re doing feels like the loving opposite of the scene from How to Train Your Dragon where Hiccup’s dad asks him “Can you just stop doing... this?” To which Hiccup replies, “YOU JUST POINTED TO ALL OF ME!

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We keep pointing to all of each other and saying how much we love it. 

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AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow
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It’s been a while.

I was chatting with a new friend today, someone I met through the Camp Crucible chat, and showed them this blog.

Which I realized I had not updated since January. That’s been on my mind lately Brother and I were talking about my blog the other day and he lamented how much he missed it.

My new friend, let’s call her M, is a mindfulness fan just like I am. We had this amazing chat about how mindfulness pervades our lives, and the many ways it can be helpful.

That got me thinking and wanting to write here again even more. It’s been a while for many things for me, that I’ve begun to focus on again.

Here’s a few:

  • Since January I’ve been actively working out and food journaling to get in shape.

  • I’m headed back to Camp Crucible this month.

  • I’m open to new connections with other people. I don’t need them, I’m just open to them.

I’m fascinated by the fact that while I’m a different person than I was before, I CAN pick up things from the past and embrace them again. After several months of swimming, I’ve started walking on a treadmill and also hiking, which I’m new to.

There’s this thought I’m struggling to express properly. I’m grateful that while things change, while I change, nothing is ever truly lost. Nothing’s thrown away in the rubbish bin. It’s just put behind me, made part of my past. Those prior experiences, interests, connections, and relationships help inform the me-that-I-am-now, which is really the only me that there is.

I’m grateful for all that’s happened. And all that is happening.

There’s this thing that C. S. Lewis said, about how when he grew up he put aside childish things, including the worry over enjoying things which are childish. I find that really applies to me. I’m a busy, busy guy. I have my side business, my writing, my demanding day job, the podcast, and of course my relationships because I’m poly.

In the past, I’ve lamented that sitting on the couch and playing video games is garbage time, and wasteful. But after sitting and thinking about it, it really isn’t.

Overwatch is a heck of a lot of fun. It’s a social outlet too. I have some very nice friends through the game whom I enjoy playing with. The nature of the game is inherently collaborative. It’s about as close as I’m ever going to get to being on a sports team.

Over the several years I’ve been playing it, I’ve really grown my skill at it too. I know that staying grouped up is better than playing alone. I know that the healers/support should stick with the tank, while the DPS (damage per second) folks flank around. I know how to use the environment to enhance my own play style.

And, most importantly of all, I know that engaging in something I enjoy, in moderation and balance is emotionally good for me.

It’s taken me ages to figure all this stuff out.

Posted
AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow
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Sometimes, stuff I do just makes me so happy.

I adore my illustrator Jenn Solo. She and I have been working together for over a year now.

We’ve been making new illustrated fiction together.

I’ve been narrating some of it, working with other narrators too.

A month or so ago I had this idea for a new series of stories about Little Sprocket, an age player in her 20’s, who’s new and exploring.

Sprocket knows she likes diapers, knows she wants to be spanked, but isn’t at all sure about anything else.

I also had this kinda bizarre, meta, experimental idea to give Sprocket her own fetlife profile.

I was telling my friends ResonantYes and roadnottaken of the Love in Brief podcast about it, and asked them for help narrating it. And they had this amazing idea to do a mixed narration to record it. Part RY, part rnt, all awesome.

It turned out so, so good.

But don’t take my word for it, take a listen to a little bit of it for yourself.

I’m beside myself with glee at how good it sounds.

As I write this, i’m getting ready to go to the gym to go swimming. For Christmas this year Missy got me an Apple Watch. I’ve been using one of its applications, that tracks movement, standing, and exercise as rings.

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Each day the rings start out empty and you fill them as you go. Workouts are an implicit thing, You tell the watch what you’re about to do and it tracks it with extra detail.

This really works for me. For one thing, the data gets shared with another application I use, Lose It. It makes it so easy to really see the benefit and interrelated nature of my choices. It’s also a sort of gamification of being healthy. I know that the swim I do a few days ago can allow me to eat an ice cream sandwich a few days later. Or conversely, see how I feel and how my weight fluctuates based on the amount of exercise I get. It makes me able to stand back a few feet from individual choices and see how they knit together.

All of which combined, help me be more fully present in both what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I’m really excited to grab a quick shower, get dressed, & get to my gym. I like those closed green rings. I like what they do to and for me.

Posted
AuthorMako Allen
CategoriesgratitudeNow